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06. My Forever King

I wasn’t going to write a New Year’s message for Michael and I know it was because I would have to finally say goodbye to him. I was very reluctant to do that because he has been a part of my life for forty years. He has been my familiar friend, my confidant, my inspiration and love but most importantly he has been the voice of my conscience. Even though he will remain all these things to me, letting go of his physical presence is probably the hardest thing for me to do.

As I sat and watched him today dancing and singing, I felt closer to him than I ever had before. Yes there was sadness, but there was also the knowledge that he had touched my life; he walked next to me as I moved through the years, held my hand when I was in danger of falling and whispered his message to me while I slept. I knew he would always do so, because letting go does not mean forgetting. Letting go means setting someone free.

Michael will always be in my heart, but I have let go of his hand so he can walk without the burden of my grief to hold him back.

As I move into the New Year, I take his memory with me and the resolution to keep it alive and honor the man behind the legend. It is the least I can do for everything he has given me and I ask all of you to join hands with me as part of the Tribute family, to greet the coming year with greater hope and promise.

Valmai Owens
Editor of Fans in the Mirror 

Why I Said Farewell

My dear friends, I have been reading the comments left to my New Year’s Message and Farewell to Michael and I’m concerned that some of you are upset by what I wrote. It was never my intention to cause anyone distress. I merely wanted to share my own personal feelings with you all and why I felt the need to let go of him. This is the part I need to explain and I hope it gives you a clearer understanding of what I was trying to say in my article.

Grief affects everyone differently and how we deal with it is very personal. Since June 25, 2009, I have been living in denial. I have refused to accept that Michael has passed and, instead, lived with the wild hope that one day he will reappear and say, “Hey I’m back. It was all a terrible mistake.” However, no matter how much time I try to fill up with working full-time at my job or on The Tribute Book, there are those alone moments when I lay down to sleep, where reality whispers in my ear, “He is not coming back.”

This was something I had to face on New Year’s Eve and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Accept! I had to say goodbye to Michael’s physical being; accept that that part of him had gone from me. I cannot do justice to him, the Tribute Book or my own life, without letting go of false hope. That is a burden he does not deserve to carry and it is far too heavy for me. That is why I let go of his hand and said farewell.

However, in letting go it does not in any way mean I have forgotten. How could I when I love him as much today as I did when I first heard his sweet voice sing with his brothers in the fall of 1969. “I Want You Back” describes so appropriately how I and many of us feel.  

Michael will always remain in my heart, he will always walk by my side and he will always be my Forever King, but it is now on a different plane; now it I share a spiritual relationship with him and it gives me the inspiration I need to honor him and make sure his message is carried forward into the New Year so that no-one will ever forget what a truly remarkable man he was, is and always will be.

The pain and sadness will always be with me, the memories I will never forget, my love for him will never die. I will always remain a true and loyal fan and supporter.  

Here is a note that was sent to me by MJmagic4ever and a poem she wrote. They are both very beautiful and we both wanted to share them with you.


I know where you are coming from when you said what you said. It is a higher spiritual place (believe me, I've read a LOT of Deepak Chopra books!). I believe Michael was in that same place, which is why he was also misunderstood on many occasions. It is hard letting go--and when I read your letter, my heart sunk because I share your exact same feelings! The holding on is for us, not for Michael. He is free now, and after over 40 years of needing his freedom, I will not deny him that right! 

It's funny because sometimes when I speak to other dot members, sometimes they will say something that connects with the same feelings I have, and I will sit and meditate on whatever the situation is, and a poem just comes out! That's what happened when I read your letter, and I was hoping to allow other dot members to better understand what you meant through my writing. 

Letting go is not letting go of our love, in fact, it is the MOST loving thing you can do. Just like when you have a family member ill with cancer. It's hard to let go at the end, but you know they are suffering, and they will never be well again. Giving them permission to "let go" is not our way of saying we don't love them any more, but it is our way of saying I love you so much that you don't deserve to suffer any longer. 

I fully support your feelings, and maybe I see things differently because I have been a health care worker for over 26 years. I have worked in a hospital setting for over 20 years, and on a first aid squad for 7 years. I have seen a lot of things in my life--miracles and tragic endings. I have spent many years with the writings of Deepak Chopra, and other such inspirational writers seeking meaning in all I have witnessed. I understand that you were only sending your ultimate expression of love to Michael, as I do and always will! We will never forget him--that would be impossible! He is in our blood, our DNA, and under our skin! He's a permanent part of who we are and we will always feel a strong connection to him! 


God bless you Valmai, I enjoy being your friend! 

 

Eternal Flame 

As we entered the year two thousand and ten 
we felt the separation from our life-long friend. 
As the minutes ticked swiftly toward
twelve o’clock 
I felt further from Michael, my tears did not stop. 

How can I enter a new decade without him? 
In my life, I certainly was all about him. 
At the stroke of
midnight I asked him to stay, 
at the drop of that ball, Michael drifted away. 

It took me a moment to catch my breath 
I have not yet recovered from his tragic death. 
How does it feel when you’ve lost your heart? 
How can I begin to make a new start? 

With millions of tears from his fans overflowing 
the love that we sense keeps on growing and growing. 
As much as we love him, we have to let go 
His wings won’t be able to carry the weight of the woe. 

You see, in order for angels to receive their wings 
they have to do a few simple things: 
They must light a candle and that candle must glow 
to guide them toward God’s heavenly place, 
don’t you know? 

But there’s one precious angel 
who can’t enter heaven’s gate 
in the darkness of space he’s no choice but to wait. 
We are holding him back from his heavenly house, 
‘Cause our teardrops keep dousing his bright candle out. 

Michael assures us that he is alright 
In the presence of God he feels love day and night. 
He’s waiting to enter His heavenly land 
He only asks that we release his hand. 

This is not to say goodbye 
Please dry those teardrops from your eyes, 
The angels asked Michael if he would go 
Perform in heaven’s all star show. 

There he’ll be in the company of 
John Lennon and James Brown 
Where Elvis and Sammy Davis, Jr. can also be found. 
Reba McIntyre’s band is there ready to play; 
John Denver and Karen Carpenter 
will sing harmony today. 

They are waiting for Michael to join them in song 
for heaven can’t wait, the show must go on! 
If we all let him go, it doesn’t mean we’ll forget 
His legacy will live on for generations, yet. 

Life without Michael surely won’t be the same 
but we cannot deprive him of his eternal flame. 
He’s been lacking his freedom since he was a boy; 
Let us grant him his space so his friends he can join. 

If we harness our love and set it free in flight 
to illuminate Michael’s candle, everlastingly bright, 
then the stars who await him will be able to say, 
“I think I see Michael, he is heading this way!” 

Michael tries out his wings, he is free now to fly, 
and He will grace every space in the new decade’s sky! 
Then he turns toward his fans and begins to impart: 
“I’ll never let you part, for you’re always in my heart!” 

By: MJmagic4ever 
1/02/10 

  

Valmai Owens
Editor of Fans in the Mirror

Follow me on Twitter for updates on Fans in the Mirror and the Book cover contest at 
http://twitter.com/ValmaiOwens

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