...SIMPLY ... If my words could comfort you, I would hold you tight, Telling you the story of my endless love. I would let our love grow high, So high to touch the sky, So high to brush the sun... ...Then we would be as one ... I would fiddle with you on the clouds, Running and hiding among them, Until we wouldn’t have air left to breathe... Writing our names on their fluffy curls, I’d use their voices to tell you how strong my love unfurls .. I would ask you to spread your wings, And take me in the wind, I’d ask you to dance to the music of its voice, Listening together to its eternal songs it always sings. If I had the right to love you, I would cradle you in my arms, Taking the darkness of your pains, Whispering my love in your ears, Hiding my face on your neck. And letting your heart to beat one with mine, I’d give it the power to build the rythm of our lives... I’d stroke your face, Feeling your beard under my fingers, And smelling your hairs, I'd trace with my lips the shape of your smile... If my love could bring you back, I would love you... ... Simply.... @Alessandra August 12, 2011 placed at FL on Sept. 25th, 2011
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…When Two Hearts Belong So Well … (A Bit Of You Inside My Heart) I’m carrying your heart into mine.
And wherever I’ll go, you’ll be with me.
With your heart inside of mine
I will not be alone anymore.
I will share my joy and my pain with your heart,
I will tell my sensations, my fears and my anguish to your heart,
And also all my love for you ...
In this way, when my heart will cry, yours will cry as well,
And when your heart will laugh, mine will laugh with you.
Your heart is always able to make me see the best side of everything,
Your heart is always able to make mine beat strongly just because my
heart knows that yours exists.
Your heart can warm my soul because inside of it there’s all your love.
It’s enough to close my eyes for a moment and to feel your deep
heartbeats...
Its heartbeat makes me feel protected,
Its heartbeat brings me back to life.
I cannot breathe without your heart,
I cannot love without your heart,
I cannot exist without your heart.
Because without you I’m nobody,
Without you, I cannot see the light,
And my life has no sense ...
So I’m carrying your heart into mine,
Because without your heart I cannot survive,
as I cannot survive without you.
And when my heart will tell yours “I love you”,
Your heart will smile and its stroke will brush softly mine...
In that exact moment I will start living again...
Just because your heart exists in mine...
#LoveWillLastForever
and my love for you will never die...
I Love You More, Michael.. @Alessandra2011 Placed at FL August, 2011
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My dearest Michael, The second year anniversary is approaching so fast...and I don't want to live it again... But I cannot chose. Another year is going to end... It's strange.. now for me the year ends on June 25th and and the new one starts on June 26th ... No more Christmas and then the New Year Eve and finally the first day of the year... but simply "WITH" and WITHOUT" and when I was living the "WITH" moments I didn't realize how lucky I was, what a great blessing was to live the same moments you were living... until when it all became "WITHOUT"... And now I'm swimming in this endless ocean that is the "WITHOUT"... a "WITHOUT" without a clue... Your passing has left a deep wound in my soul, a wound that nothing can heal. Every morning, when I open my eyes, there's the usual "lost and empty" sensation. The same I felt two years ago, when I woke up in the first morning "WITHOUT" you. The first of an endless number of "WITHOUT" So another circle is going to get its closure and another one will start its journey very soon.... The third cycle is ready to start but I'm not ready to follow it: I will never be ready to accept your passing... But, once again, I cannot chose. In these last days the most fequently asked question has been what will I do to remember you on Sat. June, 25th .. And each time I've heard this question, I asked myself: do I need to do something special, to remember Michael? And do I need to do it on June 25th? Do I really need to find something special to do? No, I think I don't. And no, I think I will not live something special that day. It will be just another day as hard as the others, for sure, much more painful... I haven't planned anything, because I don't need something to do to remember you. And I don't need to do it on June 25th, to think of you. And this is not because I don't care, but simply because it would be too painful, and and I'm not strong enough to endure it.. And to say the truth, I'm feeling a little bit guilty because I don't want to do anything. If I have to follow my wish, I would like to find a very hidden place, away from everything and everyone and to stay there, alone, all day long... No one around, no one calling me, no one to listen to... Just me with myself. And you... There, I would be able to be free to cry all my tears, to scream all my pain... There, I would be able to keep the real me alive, to look deeply in my soul and to accept my pain... There, I woundn't need to hide my feelings, to hide my face... There, I would be myself, the same girl that I was when I first met you , sat on the floor with "Ben" album on my knees... Everyone says me "Stop your tears, just celebrate his life!" I think that they are right, but could you believe me, Michael, if I said that even now, after 2 years, it's impossible for me to celebrate your life, because I need your life in mine...? And this is what is missing... this is what I miss the most: your life. I miss to know that while I'm breathing here, in the same moment you are breathing on the other side of our planet... I'm missing you and your breath... If I close my eyes for a while, I can feel you breathing around... Your breath makes me breathe... That June in 2009 changed my inner me. I'm not normal anymore... Maybe this would sound incredible, but I've realized that I'm not the same person I was before... There are facts along the life that will change it forever. There are days you are called to live during you life, that you will never be able to throw behind your shoulders. Those facts, those days will change your life, forever. And you cannot decide to keep them inside your soul or throw them away, it doesn't matter if you don't want to give them the right to guide your life, because those days, those facts will always leave a deep mark on you. And they will change you and your way to live your life. Each one of us, sooner or later, will experience something like that... and for sure, each one of us will not be able to understand it. In the past 2 years I've tried to understand why I was still so hurt by your passing... In the past 2 years I've tried to hope that tomorrow could have been a better day... In the past 2 years I've tried to live my life thinking that perhaps, one day without you in my mind, would have been the beginning of my healing proces... But every day, along the last 2 years, I've realized that nothing was true... I am so hurt because you are still inside my soul ... I cannot hope to have a better tomorrow, if you are not included in my "tomorrow" ... I cannot live a day away from you.. ...so, I will never heal... ...so, I will miss you forever... ...so, I will love you endlessly... For All Times.. @Alessandra Tue. June, 23rd 2011
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 My dearest Michael, I always find them, I always find something about you, even when I’m not looking for it. Especially pictures…There are a lot of pics of you in the web, and I always find them by chance, I hit on them and it makes me think and makes me remember and understand how much I’m missing you. To find all your pictures “hanging” in the web makes me think that perhaps you left those picture there, to help me to find my way home as for Tom Thumb and his pebbles... And you are my “home”, Michael. Will I never be able to find you again? But I always find your pics. Every time new and wonderful images ... Your bright eyes, reflecting your love for life, eyes that are not able to restrain that wink that’s so typical of you, a wink that seems to be made to mock me. Yes, because that glance always seems directed just to me, I’m almost able to “feel” your eyebrow raises, in another of your typical expressions... Or your eyes lost watching further off ..., pensive eyes, sad eyes or curious eyes or happy. Eyes that are always mirroring that smile that nobody will see anymore, that nobody will have anymore. That smile that’s printed in my retina, that smile that I will always look for around me, every day, hoping to be wrong, and to have not understood what’s happened. That smile that fills my heart every time I think of it and that’s able to enter in my soul and to enlighten me from inside... Your smile it’s a sort of drug, Michael: if you “taste” it, you cannot live without it anymore, and when you haven’t it ... well, when you haven’t it, you are badly in pain, you scream, you feel sick to death...and you always realize that nothing will be as it was before anymore and that you will never be “normal” again... Michael, you made a druggie of me, and I’m always in drug withdrawal now, withdrawal to you, to your eyes, to your smile, to your voice... Druggie, with no possibility to heal from this addiction, and perhaps with no will to heal. That piece of me that was your home, now is you estate, but the gate is closed, barred...and the key is lost... And nothing will be never again as it was before... To me, just the pictures are left, pictures to watch and to remember, pictures that are taking me back to that time when I had you with me and I didn’t know what I was keeping in my heart, pictures that sadly reminds me that now I haven’t you anymore, that I’m just an empty home, a dark, cool, empty home, because its tenant went away. In that home what is missed is that warmth of that love that tied me up to you, is that cobweb of love, support and respect, apparently so fragile but strong enough to keep me tied up to your heart, to hold me in that hug so strong to take my breath away...
But in its own way, that cobweb is still able to tie me up, Michael, is still albe to compel me to fight for you, no mattar what people says to me, no matter of all the unbelief and all the hate that I’m feeling around, no matter of nothing else if not you. Thank you for the pictures, Michael, thank you for this trip inside of me, that one more time you have been able to start, and, as usual, you enlighten my way with your love. Thank you for always be here and for letting me find you inside my soul. I told you already… this soul is your home and it’s still able to recognize its master... I’m missing you terribly, baby, and I love you endlessly... Happy Birthday Michael.. Alessandra August 29, 2010 Mio carissimo Michael, Le trovo sempre, trovo sempre qualcosa che ti riguarda anche quando non cerco nulla. Foto, immagini nell’etere, immagini sulle quali spesso inciampo e che mi fanno pensare…e ricordare e capire quanto mi manchi. Trovare le tue foto “appese” in giro per il web mi fa sempre pensare al fatto che forse le hai lasciate tu, quelle foto, le hai lasciate li per farmi trovare la strada di casa. E la “casa” sei tu Michael… Sarò mai in grado di ritrovarti? Ma sempre trovo le tue foto. Ogni volta immagini nuove, meravigliose ... I tuoi occhi luminosi che riflettono il tuo amore per la vita, che non sanno trattenere quell'ammiccamento così caratteristico, quasi a prendermi in giro... Si, perchè quello sguardo sembra sempre rivolto proprio a me, quasi quasi riesco a percepire quel sopracciglio che si solleva in quella tua espressione così tipica ... Oppure occhi persi a guardare lontano, pensierosi, malinconici oppure curiosi, o spensierati.... occhi che sempre riflettono quel sorriso che nessuno vedrà mai più, che nessuno avrà mai più....quel sorriso che è stampato sulla mia retina, quel sorriso che continuo a cercare intorno a me tutti i giorni, sperando di avere sbagliato tutto, di non avere capito nulla...Quel sorriso che mi riempie il cuore ogni volta che ci penso e che riesce ad entrarmi nell'anima ed illuminarmi da dentro... E' una specie di droga, quel sorriso....quando inizi ad assaggiarlo non ne puoi più fare a meno...e quando non ce l'hai, beh, quando non ce l'hai, soffri come un cane, urli, stai male da morire....e sempre ti rendi conto che mai più sarà come prima, che non tornerai più normale...
Michael, hai fatto di me una tossica, ora in perenne crisi di astinenza... astinenza da te, dai tuoi occhi, dal tuo sorriso, dalla tua voce... Tossica, senza alcuna possibilità di venire fuori dalla mia dipendenza ...e forse senza alcuna voglia di venirne fuori. Quel pezzettino di me che era la tua casa, ora è diventata la tua magione. Quel pezzettino è diventato un'intera proprietà... ma i cancelli sono chiusi, sprangati … E la chiave perduta ... E nulla sarà mai più come prima...
A me rimangono solo le foto da guardare e ricordare... le foto che mi riportano a quando ti avevo con me e non sapevo cosa custodivo nel cuore, le foto che tristemente mi rammentano che non ti ho più, che sono solo una casa vuota, buia e fredda, perchè il suo proprietario è andato via... Manca il calore di quell'amore che mi ha legato a te, manca quella ragnatela di rispetto e supporto apparentemente fragile, ma sufficientemente forte da legarmi al tuo cuore, da stringermi in quell'abbraccio talmente forte da togliermi il fiato.
Ma a modo suo quella ragnatela è ancora in grado di legarmi, Michael, è ancora in grado di spingermi a combattere per te, incurante di qualunque cosa mi venga detta, incurante dell'odio e dell'incredulità che mi sento attorno, incurante di qualunque cosa che non sia tu.
Grazie delle foto, Michael, grazie per questo viaggio dentro me, che ancora una volta sei stato capace di innescare…e come sempre, hai illuminato la mia strada con il tuo amore.
Grazie per esserci sempre, e per farti sempre trovare dentro la mia anima… Te l’ho già detto… quest’anima è casa tua, ed è ancora in grado di riconoscere il suo proprietario. Mi manchi da morire, Michael, e ti amo infinitamente… Buon compleanno Michael. Alessandra 29 Agosto 2010 
I believe you and I can never really say good bye…. Wherever you may be, I'll look up and see
Someone in the dark for me!” 
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June 20th, 2010 "I laid all my dreams under your feet... Walk slightly, baby, as you are walking on my dreams.... Cherish them, love them and take care of them...because these are my dreams of you ..." And finally, here I am, facing my thoughts again, in this endless game of sorrow.. Just five days left to that damn day, and I cannot stop their race ... I have to accept that nothing, nothing can be changed, and I know I have to do it.... How will I face next Friday..? For the last 12 months, the pain in my heart has been strong and overwhelming... Several times I’ve thought it was gone, and several times I’ve realized that it was not... For each of the last 12 months I’ve been waiting for 25th.... July, the first one, the most painful one, ... September, .... then Christmas, .... and March with the colors of the spring.... and now, well, now it’s quite summer again... The flights of the swallows in the last summer’s sky, the poetry in the rainbow of the leaves in autumn or the first snowfall, the cold winter wind or the magic of Christmas, the first, long, spring day or the flowers blooming in the gardens, the blue sky, once again full of the flights of the swallows, or the warmth of the sun ... nothing seems to be enough to give me peace and to guide my mind to the world around me. I’ve watched everyone of these things as I were behind a transparent wall... I knew that on the other side of the wall there was ... life, but I did not care... Yes, this is true and I’ve not been able to understand it before ... I didn’t care for nothing else if not you... In my life, during the past 12 months, the main theme has been the aching void you left. The awareness that your heart is no more beating together with mine, that your are not breathing the same air I breathe, is something very difficult to deal with. The awareness that now you are in that grave, in the dark of your casket, alone and very far from all of us, the fans, that still loves you unconditionally, and very far from me also ... Well, it breaks my heart over and over again... I will never see your smile again, I will never listen to your voice singing in my ears again, I will never look into your deep eyes again, the same eyes able to look deeply inside my soul... I will never have the possibility to hold your hand in mine, to stroke your cheek or to hug you, I will never have you back with me ... And now, the first anniversary is approaching very fast... I’m always been scared thinking of that date, and now I’m trying to convince myself that it will be just another normal day. But in my heart, I know that’s not true... I would like to be in each single tribute that there will be all around the world, just to say “I love you... can you feel it..?” During this week there will be a lot of tv programs dedicated to you... I decided that I will not watch them, because it is too painful to see you in that screen, so full of life, with your clean smile, so bright to take my breath away ... It is too painful to listen to your voice whispering love songs, to listen to your contagious laughter, able to make me laugh till tears, tears of joy.... it is too painful to look into your deep eyes, and to let them watch into my soul without fear, without hesitation ... and it’s too painful to realize that your emotions were true, and that very often they brought you to tears.. I will continue to buy DVDs that I’ll never watch, CDs that I will never listen to. I need to have my small piece of Michael in my hands, that small piece that owns just to me, that no one will never touch, not even me. Now and then I will hold one of them in my hands as if I held your hand in mine, and I will watch to its cover in silence, as if I looked deeply into your eyes, without having the courage to do nothing else, as if I was scared to wake you up, to bother you and destroy that magic... In those precious moments you are here with me ... And then, as usual, I will sit in front of my computer and I will write about those feelings that sometimes I’m not able to admit even to myself and that always bring me to wild tears... It is not always true that to look into your own feelings could let you free... The circle is quite closed, Michael ... just a few days left and the second cycle will begin its journey... From next Saturday another year will begin ... the second one without you ... I will try to go on, Michael, keeping you in my soul, loving you with all my heart, letting you jump in my life every moment you want to, asking me “Is that true? Are you really here with me...?” and looking for you inside that big hole you left in me... Could you help me to survive, Michael? Could you help me to start my life again..? Could you, baby ...? I think it's not necessary to tell you that I love you, and how much I love you, but I love to do it, so.. I love you the most, Michael... I love you endlessly ... Alessandra 
I believe you and I can never really say good bye…. ...Wherever you may be, I'll look up and see
Someone in the dark for me!”
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My dearest Michael, I’m missing you, but I know I’m not the only one. I think that if we, all the fans around the world, will never had the opportunity to join our hands, we will be able to make a big circle all around the Earth ... And I think that this is your power, Michael ... you have always been able to let all the people love you, unconditionally, for the beauty of your soul, for the immensity of you heart, for the simplicity of your being just you.. I’m sure of this Michael, because if not, all our sufferings for everything you suffered for and all our joy for what you rejoiced for, would have no sense at all. Between us, the fans, and you there’s always been a thin but very strong and powerful tie with whom you tied us all to you. An indissolubly tie, that’s keeping you more then alive in our hearts, even more now, after one year from your passing. And, if I can say this, now more then before you are here with us, with your joy and your pains, with your anxiety and your fears, with the awareness of your fragility but also with your smiles, your laughters, your funny faces...and your love. I will never lose you love, Michael, because your love left a mark on me a long time ago .. “I belong to you, you belong to me..” Every night, before going to sleep, I say you how much love you left behind you, how much I’m missing you and how you are always been able to fill my whole existence. Then I always leave the most of my pillow free for you, and always, every night, before falling asleep, I say to you “Please stop here, take a rest and sleep. This will always be your home, here you will always find love and understanding, here you will always be able to be yourself, withour fears ... here it’s not necessary to hide... Here you will be able to scream and shout, to let out all your frustration go out, here you will always be able to laugh or to cry and you will always be welcomed with love..” And every night I hope to meet you in my dreams and even if this happened just three times before, I will never lose the hope. Sometimes, in the morning, I feel that something happened during the night and that I received a gift from you... And always I ask you to forgive me for not remindig that dream... “I’m sorry Michael, but your visit is too precious and cannot be soiled with a human touch...” I would love to know that you are alive, I mean physically alive, living with your kids, and your family... I would love to know that you are doing all the things you love and that you have always wished to do... in a deep and hide corner of my mind I really hope that this was the truth... But I know that’s just another dream , another wish that’s so secret that sometime I’ve not enough courage to admit it to myself. I cannot change what's happened, Michael ... and you cannot either, and I realize that it’s really hard to accept it. I did not accept it yet ... I still cannot believe that it happened to you. Even now, I’m trying to digest this loss, and inside of me it’s as it happened yesterday ... Then I think what would I have done, from the other side of the ocean, to drive things in a different way..? Would this changed what happened to you, Michael? No, I think it doesn’t... Michael, you knew you were loved from all your fans, you always said you were married with your fans…your always felt our love for you and in a certain way, this love always lighted up your life... Isn’t it? Well, I’m one of those millions fans... I’ve loved you for more than three decades and your love is still in my heart, so strong and pure as it was when we first met... I just cannot stop loving you so deeply... Am I guilty for this, Michael? I have no other weapons in my armory, but just this big love, that grew up across the years, while both of us were growing... But now this love will get older and will die alone with me, because you are no more here and I cannot share it with you anymore .... Am I stupid? Maybe I am, but this is what I have in my heart, even after one year, Michael. This is how I face my sorrow, Michael..I know I’m not the only one, but I’m feeling mine...as each one of us have to front his/her, each one of us has to look it into eyes, to understand it, and to accept it. I am just at the first step...I’m looking my pain in eyes. I haven’t neither undersdood it nor accepted and I’m sure I will never do it. I will live all my life and finally I will pass away with this pain in my heart. But then, it will not be important, and I will not care anymore, because we will be together again and nothing and anyone will be able to bring me away from you... Thank you Michael, for giving me the opportunity to look inside my soul once again... It's a lonley soul now that you are no more in it...but it's mine and it's the only one I have.. I love you endlessly, I love you the most... Ale 
I believe you and I can never really say good bye…. Wherever you may be, I'll look up and see
Someone in the dark for me!” 
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Michael, are you trying to tell me something, baby...? Why when I cannot reach my ipod in time, all the songs I always avoid to listen to, because are too painful for me, are played...? I never know which song is going to be played but this time you made it bigger then usual, Mike, ....4 songs, one immediatly after the other... “Heal The World” and “Man In The Mirror”, then “Smile” and the last “You Are Not Alone”... And at this point I couldn’t stop my tears again! But wasn’t enough... “For All Time” and “Fall Again” and immediatly after “Break Of Dawn” ... With the first 4 songs you broke my heart, with all the others you huged me tightly...and I felt your love again, stronger and deeper, surrounding me .... “You Are Not Alone” you said, but I’m here without you .... “I will love you For All Time” until the “Break Of Dawn” ... and now I don’t want the sun to shine.... I don’t believe in coincidences, but does all this have sense? Am I going crazy? And would you like to know that the next songs after “Break of Dawn” were “She Drives Me Wild” and “Can’t Let Her Get Away” ...? Were you singing for me? But do you know that you will never loose me? I’m not brave enough to let you go...I’m selfish, I know I am, but I need you here... You touched my life in so many ways and for so many years and now I feel you here with me, again and again, in thousends of different times, throught everything I have around... And your gentle touch is now on my hair, on my shoulder... your breath is on my neck, and your heart is beating under my fingers...You are in my soul, Michael, and I cannot pretend that was not true, and I don’t want to!! I don’t want to give it up, you are “Another Part Of Me”, baby, and that place belongs to you, you are so alive in here ... Are you trying to come out from there? Is that the reason why you are trying to reach me, somehow? I’m learning to listen to your calls ... Is that one of them..? How can I answer you back? How can I tell you that I will always be here for you? You said “Call my name and I’ll be there”... Are you calling my name, Michael? I know that you know it, but I love you, Michael, I love you endlessly... and please...don't go away from me...don't leave me here alone...don't tell me "you don't need me.." let me love you.. ׸.•´×¸.•*´¨)׸.•*¨)×
(¸. •´×★( ¸.•°★°•.☆☆.•°★°•.¸ I believe you and I can never really say good bye…. Wherever you may be, I'll look up and see
Someone in the dark for me!”
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Mercoledì 10.03.2010 Amico mio carissimo, Nevica …. E’ quasi mezzanotte e sono alla finestra…Nevica ancora, i fiocchi cadono ininterrottamente da ieri mattina. Diamanti che cadono dal cielo, perle che si avvitano nell’aria, si rincorrono, giocano e scherzano, appoggiandosi sui miei capelli, passandomi davanti agli occhi, spalancati nel buio. E nella loro corsa infinita hanno oramai raggiunto il terreno, dove si accumulano in mucchietti candidi…. L’aria è fredda e la luce notturna ha assunto quella strana ed irreale colorazione gialla…il campanile di fronte è illuminato e tutto è silenzioso… No, non è silenzioso, nell’aria c’e’ quello strano e particolare rumore che fanno i fiocchi di neve appoggiandosi sul terreno….tic, tic, tic… Questo inverno sembra non volermi lasciare più, sembra voler cercare ogni modo per essere ricordato. Siamo quasi a metà marzo, tra dieci giorni sarà primavera e nevica…....!! In questo lungo ed infinito inverno, questa è solo l’ultima delle innumerevoli nevicate, quasi che qualcuno volesse mantenere viva la consapevolezza di quanto sia e continui ad essere importante questo momento così triste e così lungo…l’inverno sta cercando di fermare il tempo su se stesso per non farmi dimenticare…Ma penso anche di non avere bisogno della sua neve per ricordarlo, questo inverno...io non dimenticherò…
Io personalmente lo ricorderò come l'inverno più triste e devastante della mia vita, e lo metterò a fianco ad un'estate ed un autunno altrettanto devastanti.
Ora manca solo la primavera per chiudere il cerchio ed anche lei sta arrivando... Poi il ciclo si chiuderà e la vita senza te, Michael rincomincerà il suo eterno giro... camminerò… respirerò ...sorriderò ... piangerò e continuerò a cercarti… e poi ancora, di nuovo, ed ancora….all’infinito…. Dove sei, Michael? Mi senti? Senti il mio amore e quanto mi manchi? Percepisci i miei pensieri come io percepisco la tua presenza? Come posso saltare nella tua vita, così come tu salti sempre nella mia? Come posso tenerti qui con me, Michael? Come riuscirò a lenire questo dolore sordo? Quando smetterò di guardare il mondo “vivere” fuori da questa finestra e rincomincerò a vivere con il mondo? Perché non torni, Michael? Io ti sto aspettando..! Con tutto il mio amore. Alessandra  Wed. March 10th, 2010 My dearest friend, It’s snowing … quite midnight already and I’m at the window…It’s still snowing, the flakes are continuously falling from yesterday morning. Diamonds falling from the sky, pearls screwing, chasing, playing and joking, leaning on my hair, running in front of my eyes, that are wide open in the dark. And in their endless run, they are reaching the ground, building translucent snowdrifts. The air outside is cold and the night light has now took on that strange and unreal yellow...the bell tower in front of me is lighted and everything is silent, apart that particular and strange noise of the flakes leaning on the ground...tic...tic....tic... The winter is showing its will to stay here with me, it seems it want me to remember it and it’s looking for every single possible way to do it. Middle of March already, in ten days spring will arrive ... and it’s snowing..!! In this long and endless winter, this is just the last of the countless snowfalls, as if someone would keep alive the awareness of how strong, long and important this moment was, and always will be...Winter is trying to stop the time just here, now, right in this moment and won’t allow me to forget... But I will not forget... I don’t need its snowfalls to remember this winter. My pain will help me to do it...I will always remeber it as the saddest and the most devasting season of my whole life, I will put it nearby a summer and an autumn as much devasting. Now just the spring is missing and I will loop the circle, and spring is on its way...Then the cycle will be closed and the life without you, Mike, will start its eternal round again ...I will walk, I will breathe, I will smile, I will cry, I will look for you again ... and again ... and again ... endlessly... Where are you, Michael? Are you feeling me? Are you feeling my love and how much I miss you? Are you feeling my thoughts as I feel your presence? How can I jump into your life, as you always pop up in mine? How can I keep you here with me, Michael? How can I soothe this pain? When will I stop to watch the world “living” outside that window and will I be able to live with the world again? Why don’t you come back, Michael? I'm waiting for you! With all my love. Alessandra
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January 03rd, 2010 Dear Michael, One more time, I’m here Michaeling ... in Italian would be “Micheleggiando”, and believe me, sounds really funny ...!! I hope this could let you smile... Your music in in the air, I’m surrounded by your music, it’s in my heart, in my soul, in my mind ... old and new songs ... they are all so important to me, my life has been touched by your music since I was a child. Each one of them is like an opened luggage, with all my life inside: I cannot open that luggage without thinking of all the things I made with your music around! And it’s really incredible how your music let my legs moove again: I cannot resist to it and I have to sing with you, even after so many years! Your music in in my cells, and each time I’m listening to it, I wake me up again. I’m sure that there should be a meaning to all this ... Now Jermaine is singing “Smile” ... he’s singing for you, man, do you know ... ? OMG, I’m still crying...After more then 6 months, I’m still crying!!! How can I forget you, Michael?? How can I find a little bit of peace? Are you sure you are gone, Michael? I would like to hear your voice with just a small, simple answer: “No, darling, I’m not gone, I’m there...” . I would give everything to hear an answer like this. I would like to feel your hand on my hairs, your hand on mine... Oh Lord, can we have him back? Am I crazy? I feel so bad, I’m not able to find a real reason for all this craziness ... and it’s like I’m hurting myself ... I cannot think to something different but you, and this is killing me ... Will you never come back, honey? I need you so much, I cannot stand to think that you are not here ...!! I need a reason, just one ... and then I will accept this reality... but without it, this big, dark hole in my heart will grow, will never heal, my bleeding wound will remain open...and it’s taking away my mind ... “I believe you and I can never really say good bye…. Wherever you may be, I'll look up and see
Someone in the dark for me!” I will never be able to say you good bye ... I don’t know where are you now, but I’m waiting here, my love, and I know that as soon as I will feel your touch again, all the darkness around me will disappear, and your smile will light up my life again ... I love you, endlessly. Ale
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December 31st, 2009 - 05:00 PM So, this year is finally going to the end in a few hours. I hate 2009, it took you away from me and this left me devasted .. But leaving 2009 behind my shoulders, makes me think that I’m leaving you behind my shoulders either. No, this will never happen, you know, but it’s just to try to explain you how I feel now. I cannot wait to see this danm year ending, but it is also true that for the first six months of this year I had you with me. You were walking on this earth, you were joking and singing in the air... you were there with your kids, with your family and also with all your fans, in that particular, personal way of you ... YOU WERE ALIVE, breathing with me, your heart was beating with mine ... your smile was for me... How many times I whished to kiss your face, to hold your hand, to let you guide me... how many times I wished to be in your arms, to feel your scent, to tell you all the things I had in my heart... how many times I wished to shake hands with you, to say “Hi, do you know I love you, Mike?”, to listen to you sweet voice, talking about nothing, laughing about nothing, crying just for happiness ... In March you announced your tour and that evening, when I heard the news in a tv evening news, I was so happy...MICHAEL IS FINALLY BACK ... OMG!! ... my hubby was terrorized ...! I was dancing in the kitchen and screaming and smiling .... how could I know that just three months later I should have been in a such damn hell? My smile has been frozen on my face in that June Friday morning...from that moment on, I don’t know anymore why I have to smile again ... My hell is every day, every moment ...as soon as I open my eyes and I realize you’re not more with me. My soul is looking for you, my heart is dark without your smile ... I really wish I could change something in the past, but I cannot ... and the nightmare begin every morning... So, I’m happy this 2009 is going to end, Michael, but meantime I’m sad that it will end. In 2009 there will always be my last memories of you... Please, snap your fingers again for me, man ... maybe I will wake me up ... and we will be able to do everything ... I love you so much ... never forget it. Alessandra January 1st, 2010 - 06:00 PM Everything is gone now...all our wishes have been expressed, all our tears have been cried, and all our intentions for the new coming year have been said...Now I'd like to tell you this small story, Mike, a small story of you and me, yesterday night, during my new year's eve, the first one without you.. Was about 3:00 AM, all of us were really tired and we all sat on a sofa, and the kids were watching MTV. I was thinking of you, I was thinking of your kids, of this new year I will have to live without you...and I heard the first beat from the tv...impossible not to recognize it, Michael..!! I turned immediately my head and "Beat It" video was there for me...you were there for me, as if you would have cancel my grief and clear up my mind...I was so happy for your presence with me, again, ready to fight my sorrow for me....and this morning it happened one more time...I was here, Michaeling again ...and from MTV "This Is It" was there for me, its notes in my kitchen, your smile in my eyes...and a sort of happiness in my heart...you were here again, drying my tears, holding my hand again. How can I let you go?? Sometime, somehow I feel the warmth of your hand on mine...Please Michael, hold me tight, man..."..don't let go of my hand ..." both my heart and soul belong to you, amf I cannot avoid it... I love you and always I will...for all time... my love will last forever and until I'll breath, a small piece of you will be here with me.. Alessandra
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I always ask myself how can I stay here without your voice with me, breathing this air and knowing you are not breathing it anymore ... I cannot immagine a world without you in it, but are more than 4 months I'm living in such a world ... and it hurts, every day, every moment, it hurts very much ... I know that you are and always will be with me, and very often I feel you are in my life, I feel my hand in yours and I feel the protection of your arms ... but I'm still living in a world without you. There are a lot of things around me that speaks of you ... this morning I was crossing the street and “We Are The World” was in the air, very loud, from a car parked on the street ...YOU ARE HERE, Man, but this is not enough. No more. I will look for you for all the life I still have to live, I belong to you, Man, both my soul and my heart belongs to you. Sometimes I feel your hand on my tattoo, as if you were here, saying “This person is mine, I will protect her against the wickedness around here ...”. I will fight all the battles you cannot fight anymore, my sword is ready, Guy, and I will use it for you...forever. I will never let you part, couse you are always in my heart ... With all my love, endlessly ... ׸.•´×¸.•*´¨)׸.•*¨)×
Alessandra - Michael's Angel (¸. •´×★( ¸.•°★°•.☆☆.•°★°•.¸
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OMG ...I saw This Is It .... I never thuoght was something so touching .... I wanted to touch your face, Michael, I felt your soul and your mind working, trying to find the best way to dance or to sing a note ... and at the end my face was wet while all the people were standing, clapping and singing with you, Michael.... All the words I could write, all the love I have in my heart could never explain how I'm feeling now ... I really have no words, I'm so upset...Michael, you will never stop to give us such magics ... How poor we are without you ...! How lonley our souls are ...! Now my tattoo is not enough to calm my heart ... I wish I could really touch your hand just to find a little bit of peace now ... but it's just my neck ... How can we turn time back? How can we keep you with us, wonderful creature??? Why our love is not enough? Have we to cry for the eternity? ....LOVE WILL NEVER END ....
..and this is what I'm feeling now .... my love will never end ....Now I just need to cry all the tears I didn't cry before ... I love you so much Michael, each day more and more .... stay with me now, I need you more than ever ... Both my heart and my soul belong to you ... without you, I am a person without heart and without soul .. Your legacy will last forever, Michael ...we will take care of it and I hope we could continue to fight for all the things you love, Man ...becouse we love you ... I love you, with all my heart and with all my soul. I am here, Man, I'll wait your huge hug, I'll wait for the moment I'll be with you ... forever .. Alessandra
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Alessandra
