December 31st, 2009 - 05:00 PM So, this year is finally going to the end in a few hours. I hate 2009, it took you away from me and this left me devasted .. But leaving 2009 behind my shoulders, makes me think that I’m leaving you behind my shoulders either. No, this will never happen, you know, but it’s just to try to explain you how I feel now. I cannot wait to see this danm year ending, but it is also true that for the first six months of this year I had you with me. You were walking on this earth, you were joking and singing in the air... you were there with your kids, with your family and also with all your fans, in that particular, personal way of you ... YOU WERE ALIVE, breathing with me, your heart was beating with mine ... your smile was for me... How many times I whished to kiss your face, to hold your hand, to let you guide me... how many times I wished to be in your arms, to feel your scent, to tell you all the things I had in my heart... how many times I wished to shake hands with you, to say “Hi, do you know I love you, Mike?”, to listen to you sweet voice, talking about nothing, laughing about nothing, crying just for happiness ... In March you announced your tour and that evening, when I heard the news in a tv evening news, I was so happy...MICHAEL IS FINALLY BACK ... OMG!! ... my hubby was terrorized ...! I was dancing in the kitchen and screaming and smiling .... how could I know that just three months later I should have been in a such damn hell? My smile has been frozen on my face in that June Friday morning...from that moment on, I don’t know anymore why I have to smile again ... My hell is every day, every moment ...as soon as I open my eyes and I realize you’re not more with me. My soul is looking for you, my heart is dark without your smile ... I really wish I could change something in the past, but I cannot ... and the nightmare begin every morning... So, I’m happy this 2009 is going to end, Michael, but meantime I’m sad that it will end. In 2009 there will always be my last memories of you... Please, snap your fingers again for me, man ... maybe I will wake me up ... and we will be able to do everything ... I love you so much ... never forget it. Alessandra January 1st, 2010 - 06:00 PM Everything is gone now...all our wishes have been expressed, all our tears have been cried, and all our intentions for the new coming year have been said...Now I'd like to tell you this small story, Mike, a small story of you and me, yesterday night, during my new year's eve, the first one without you.. Was about 3:00 AM, all of us were really tired and we all sat on a sofa, and the kids were watching MTV. I was thinking of you, I was thinking of your kids, of this new year I will have to live without you...and I heard the first beat from the tv...impossible not to recognize it, Michael..!! I turned immediately my head and "Beat It" video was there for me...you were there for me, as if you would have cancel my grief and clear up my mind...I was so happy for your presence with me, again, ready to fight my sorrow for me....and this morning it happened one more time...I was here, Michaeling again ...and from MTV "This Is It" was there for me, its notes in my kitchen, your smile in my eyes...and a sort of happiness in my heart...you were here again, drying my tears, holding my hand again. How can I let you go?? Sometime, somehow I feel the warmth of your hand on mine...Please Michael, hold me tight, man..."..don't let go of my hand ..." both my heart and soul belong to you, amf I cannot avoid it... I love you and always I will...for all time... my love will last forever and until I'll breath, a small piece of you will be here with me.. Alessandra
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I always ask myself how can I stay here without your voice with me, breathing this air and knowing you are not breathing it anymore ... I cannot immagine a world without you in it, but are more than 4 months I'm living in such a world ... and it hurts, every day, every moment, it hurts very much ... I know that you are and always will be with me, and very often I feel you are in my life, I feel my hand in yours and I feel the protection of your arms ... but I'm still living in a world without you. There are a lot of things around me that speaks of you ... this morning I was crossing the street and “We Are The World” was in the air, very loud, from a car parked on the street ...YOU ARE HERE, Man, but this is not enough. No more. I will look for you for all the life I still have to live, I belong to you, Man, both my soul and my heart belongs to you. Sometimes I feel your hand on my tattoo, as if you were here, saying “This person is mine, I will protect her against the wickedness around here ...”. I will fight all the battles you cannot fight anymore, my sword is ready, Guy, and I will use it for you...forever. I will never let you part, couse you are always in my heart ... With all my love, endlessly ... ׸.•´×¸.•*´¨)׸.•*¨)×
Alessandra - Michael's Angel (¸. •´×★( ¸.•°★°•.☆☆.•°★°•.¸
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OMG ...I saw This Is It .... I never thuoght was something so touching .... I wanted to touch your face, Michael, I felt your soul and your mind working, trying to find the best way to dance or to sing a note ... and at the end my face was wet while all the people were standing, clapping and singing with you, Michael.... All the words I could write, all the love I have in my heart could never explain how I'm feeling now ... I really have no words, I'm so upset...Michael, you will never stop to give us such magics ... How poor we are without you ...! How lonley our souls are ...! Now my tattoo is not enough to calm my heart ... I wish I could really touch your hand just to find a little bit of peace now ... but it's just my neck ... How can we turn time back? How can we keep you with us, wonderful creature??? Why our love is not enough? Have we to cry for the eternity? ....LOVE WILL NEVER END ....
..and this is what I'm feeling now .... my love will never end ....Now I just need to cry all the tears I didn't cry before ... I love you so much Michael, each day more and more .... stay with me now, I need you more than ever ... Both my heart and my soul belong to you ... without you, I am a person without heart and without soul .. Your legacy will last forever, Michael ...we will take care of it and I hope we could continue to fight for all the things you love, Man ...becouse we love you ... I love you, with all my heart and with all my soul. I am here, Man, I'll wait your huge hug, I'll wait for the moment I'll be with you ... forever .. Alessandra
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October 24th, 2009 This morning I got up very sad, as today is 24th and tomorrow will be another Day Of Tears, as each month. So, with my coffee cup in my hands, I opened my kitchen window and after a couple of weeks of rain and cold, I found out that outside there was a wondeful summer, sunny day: warm as your smile, Michael and I just thought "Tks Michael for this wonderful blue sky. Today is 24th and tomorrow will be the Day of Tears, as each month on 25th... you surley know I will cry a lot and you made me this gift, to bring the smile on my face again ... so thanks a lot for this sunny day..." Sometimes I feel so silly, but I cannot avoid to talk with you again and again ...I do the same with my father, so why not with my friend?? So the first thing I will do tomorrow morning wiil be to open the window and to send you a biggggggg kiss. A kiss and a bear hug from the deepest part of my heart, from the hidden part of my soul, the ones you belong to, now as before...
I know you will be always here with me Michael, as you always are, I know you will carry my pain on your shoulders .. I would like to embrace you, to let you forget all the hurts you have had in your life, I would like to be your friend, nothing more but your friend, just to help you to go on, to be strong for you, to cry and to laugh with you, I would like to die instead of you ... I miss you very much and words can never explain how I feel... Time is running, but "my pain get stronger every day and all I do is cry ..."
Hold my hand and guide my steps Michael, .... never leave me... why cannot my love bring you back with me ..? I love you always and forever ... I really do ... Alessandra
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 I did it Michael, finally I did it, and now you are on my skin ... I got a tattoo and your wings are now on my neck ... I always felt you in my life, in my soul, in my blood and in my heart ... and now you are on my skin also ... as your hand on me ...and when I'm too sad I touch it and it seems to me that you really hold my hand ...
One day I will fly with you again, I'm sure. But for the moment I must be happy with your wings ... I love you, I love you deeply and I miss you very much, every moment of my life ... do not go away, stay with me, I need your touch in my life ...hold my hand and guide my steps ... Alessandra
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Last night (04th sept.) seemed to me the first one without you ... and, if possible, I missed you more ... I hope you are happy now, I hope you can fly, finally free ... But do not forget to come to all of us just to say hallo, as we all miss you very much and your loss cuts like a knife. My broken heart still needs your touch, I still need your presence in my life. I love you Man, "I just can't stop loving you" ... Hold my hand, keep me in your arms and maybe in the future I'll be able to fly with you ...forever.. ale
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I love you Man, I cannot let you go, please do not go away ..I need you, I need your soul, I need your voice, your words, your presence in my life ... do not go away from me, I need your touch...you gave me your joy and your energy for all my life, and now I can just give you my tears back ... I love you so much ... Alessandra
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Dear Michael, I shared with you more then 30 years of my life, your are always been a frind for me, a friend with whom I walked on my way ... your music has been the soundtrack of my life, your songs have been my son's lullabies, and your joy and energy always gave me joy and energy. I fought for you when was the time to do it and I cried with you, when you was too sad to live .. you held me in your arms when I was down and I did the same with you, your shoulder was always ready for my tears .....now I'm walking alone ... Dear Michael, If I could have my last words for you, I think they would sounds in this way: "Open your eyes, Man, and look into mine ... Can you see I'm here for you? Can you see how much I love you? Can you see that I'm here waiting for you? Take my breath to breath again, take my heart beats, and make your heart beat again...take my life and start living, Guy...I'm just one, you are The One...You can live for me also ...but I cannot without you..." Dear Michael, I'm looking for you in the sky, for your dance in the clauds and I'm speaking with you through the wind ... but "..my pain get stronger everyday.." ..."..and all I do is cry .." Sometimes I hear your voice saying to me "Stop it, don't be so crazy ....start living again ..." but I cannot ... I miss you, Man, I miss my Friend, the one of an entire life and my way is now lonely... Dear Michael, I know I need a rest from you now, but I'm not able to stop to think of you, each single moment of my day and my night ... you've held my hand for such a long time, and I don't know anymore which is my way now ...my soul is empty and dark, my heart is like a stone ... you place is here, my dear Friend, and should you never need it back .... I will be here, waiting for you..! Dear Michael, I know that somewhere, somehow, one day I will meet you .... and then I will tell you all this, we will laugh together off me ... we will sing together and you will dance for me again ...but for the moment I have to keep you in my heart...It's not enough, you see, to cope with my pain that seems really to be neverending ... Dear Michael, These are the reasons couse I love you, these are the reasons couse I've always been your fan for all these long years, and there are much more reasons in my heart ...but I will tell them to you directly, looking into your eyes and waiting for your stroke ... Dear Michael, Now I'm screaming to the world: "This is My Friend, I'm proud of him, and for him I’d do everything, I’d give him my own life, I don't need my life without him ..." Dear Michael, I love you, but I know, you love me more... Alessandra
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