Many believe that the prophesy of the world ending this year according to the Mayan Calendar is being set into motion as we usher in 2012.  I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I thank God for allowing me to live to see the beginning of a new year.  I so hpe that all of us will vow to make this year better than the last one and keep love in your hearts.  If we do that, then we have done all we could, come what may.

I pray that the year finds you in good health, sharing love and closeness with your families and others, and keeping Michael's dream and his love alive by doing something compassionate for someone else.  

I pray that Michael's family and especially his children are able to welcome in the new year with hope eternal.  It is never going to be easy to wake up to a new day without him, but I pray that at least sometimes they wake with a smile on their faces put there by him the night before.  He is watching over us and he loves us one and all.  

So to 2011, I bid you a fond farewell.  It in retrospect was a very good year.  2012 has its work cut out for him but I know that what ever is on the horizon for us to face that we will with dignity and react in a responsible way.  

Thak you Father for all my blessings.  Thank you for my life.  Thank you for sending Michael Jackson.  Thank you for your mercy.  Thank you for my friends who got me through some of the most tragic times in my life.  Thank you for loving me.

Have a wondeful, blessed new year everybody.   Please be safe.  

 My mother left this earth on this day 34 years ago.  It rocked me to the core.  She was my mentor and my best friend.  I have never stopped missing her and I will never ever stop loving her for allowing me to be me.  My mother had the voice of an angel and was always singing around the house.  I remember the last song that would rang through the house preceeding the day that she passed away.  When I close my eyes, I can see her clearly still standing there, cooking breakfast and singing her heart out.  So one more time, this song is for you mother. I now that on this day you are singing it in perfect harmony in heaven.  For some reason, I know that Raphael and your idol, Jackie Wilson is singing right along with you.  I miss you more. 

www.dailymotion.com/video/x7nh8t_dorthy-moore-misty-blue_music

  Today is Christmas, 2011.  It is exactly two years and six months that Michael died for the sin of showing too much love to a world where love and being loved too much is the ultimate sin punishable by the ultimate sacrifice.  As I sit in wonder on this day, the birth of our saviour, Jesus Christ, I am also in awe at the fulfillment of his promises to us.  God came to us for only a little while in the body of Christ.  He was born of a woman, and lived amongst us in the flesh so that we might see the living God through our own eyes, suffering alongside us while working miracles, and emparting unconditional selfless love unto us.  He came to us as a child who grew into a man who walked with us, so that he could show us how much he understood us and that he loved us enough to suffer the same perils did we.  Have you ever just sat and though how totally unselfih that was.  To be loved so much that he would come with one purpose, to die for us on a cross that we be free of all our sins!  I cannot describe what that does to my heart and my soul.  He is the way and the truth and I shall love him always.

I have oftentimes quoted the promise that God made to us that a child shall lead them.  He promised that he would come and I have always believed that that promise was fulfilled in the body of Michael Jackson.  It feels he too had an ultimate purpose on this earth and that his death was the sacrifice that was its fulfillment. Sometimes God uses bad people to do good things.  The death of Michael was by a bad person.  But the change in the hearts of millions and millions of people only came about after the fulfillent had been done.  Michael's death, just like Jesus', turned humanity around.  All around me everywhere is the embodiment of what Michael Jackson's life was about.  The world has changed for the good of all of us.  Deeds of kindness have permiated this planet and in all of it , in every kin deed, we see visbly the workings and teachings of our angel, Michael Jackson.   He too is the truth and I shall love him always.

In Ezekiel 34:25 this profound message stopped me in my tracks: "I wll make a covenant of peace with them and rid the land of wild beasts so that they may live in the desert and sleep in the forests."  

At first read I thought of Michael's Neverland where animals of all types lived peacefully amongst the many people who visited and lived there.  But then upon further pondering the premise became deeper.  Michael Jackson not only brought about a peace with the animals and understood them, but he more profoundly was doing all in his power to increase humility and compassion and love in the world; especially for the children.  He was in fact making a covenant for them to ensure that they might be safe in a world where children are abused and murdered and denied the right to a peaceful co-existence.  The wild beast being the perpetrators of the world who abuse and neglect children and deny them the right to be free to roam.   Michael was working to tame the beast by teaching them the values and importance of the lambs in the world, the children. How profound!

It is lessons like these that keep me constantly faithful to my belief that though Jesus is omnipotent and no one can ever match or even compare to all that he is, I believe that he having lived once upon a time amongst us knows that sometimes as human nature dictates, people need to see the work manifest  by one who has lived and grew up and suffered, yet excelled to become the phoenix, the light amongst us, in order that we can relate to and respond at the level of the heart. This being the same reason that Jesus came in the flesh to abide with and dwell amongst us so many years ago.

He sends us angels because he understands our psyche and wants for us the very best.  In my lifetime, with every beat of my heart, I believe that Michael Jackson was one of them.  

I am not trying to force my beliefs on you, just speaking from my heart.  Michael will always be an angel to me.  God Bless the Lambs of God.

Have a merry Christmas my friends.  Love conquers all.  

This is my Christmas Prayer youtube video.  Perfectly beautiful.  Michael Jackson ♥♫ A Christmas Prayer ♫♥ - YouTube

Cassie

It is amazing to me that we are only 5 days from Christmas.  It feels as though this year has only just begun andit is already ending. 

As we enter into the holiday season, remember to tell those you love just how important they are to you.  Hug them.  Kiss them.  We never know what the future holds.  Today is the only one that is promised.

I am including a song that so reminds me of Michael Jackson, not only at this time but for all times.  It is my favorite Christmas song, sang like no one else could ever sing it.  the voice of an angel.

 youtu.be/uYGu0dwl4Hk

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Old memoirs from my Angel Diary

The case against Conrad Murray in the unexpected death of Michael Jackson, the greatest humanitarian to have ever lived in my opinion, is done.  We have a person in custody for the death of him.  He has been tried and found guilty of  a lesser crime than appears to have taken place and is now serving the first of 4 years of his imposed sentence.  He will likely spend much less than the 28 months the world has suffered since Michael's death, paying for his crime.  So what now?  is this the real "This Is It"?  Am I now suppose to completely close that chapter and finish the book and place it on my shelf to gather dust?  I cannot.  Why? Because I am certain that there I much more the needs to be dealt with.  That book should stay open until all the fine print has been revealed.

I will never rest. I cannot ignore things that have troubled me since June 25th that have not been addressed.  I know that many people are of the belief that Conrad Murray held the needle in his hand that killed Michael.  Perhaps.  But I have always been one to go beyond the obvious, and in this case which changed the structure of my DNA, I have to take it where my heart tells me to.  No one else need follow me.  I am good going it alone.

I believe that Murray's hand was forced or at the least, guided, and AEG continues to be a thorn in my side.  After acquiring a full, un-redacted copy of that contract, my suspicions have haunted me.  After hearing how those affiliates had come to feel obliged to man-handle and tongue lash Michael into helpless submission, they have haunted me more.  After learning that Michael's family and many of his personnel choices were all but shut out and away from Michael, his growing concern for his safery, his health concerns, and then this unfathomable neglect at the hands of his doctor, the haunt has turned into something more.  Will we ever have the full story?  Will the truth be buried forever with Michael?  Did money and power and a total lack of respect for a man who had made for the industry more than any other artist in history in turn ruthlessly set out to dismantle all that he had required because they felt prvileged to do so simply because of some signed papers?  Did they turn a blind eye to Michael's serious ills in an effort to show him who held the upper hand because of some signed pieces of paper?  Does it matter that tese signatures were all on a seperate page, detached from the body of the contract and faxed over as "official"?  What manner of people would be so shrewd and heartless?  I still want to know and I will continue to search my mind and my heart for the clues until somehow I get my answers.  Something went very wrong in California, and Conrad Murray knows what it was.  I swear if I had enough money, I would sign it all over to Conrad in exchange for the truth which he hasn't uttered since day one.  He knows what went down in that house, and I believe with all the breath in my body that he has information that could turn this whole thing around and bring down some powerful people.  I would even go so far as to state my life on AEG being behind Michael's demise and eventual death with Conrad being used as the scapegoat for the exact same reasons that we have seen during and after the sentencing.  He has no violent criminal record and is upstanding in his community.  He will serve minimal time behind bars.  And he will more than likely be taken care of for the rest of his life should this little trade off work.  It did.  Now I play wait and see. Time will tell.  Murray shows little to no concern because he knows once this little facade is finished, his worries are over.  Someone is footing his bill!  We're not stupid.

I could be very wrong in my fears, and I know many will argue the point; however I have always been one to follow my own heart and it keeps leading me to the same place.  There is so much wrong with the picture that has been painted and thrust out to us to accept as the total truth. So much left out that is needed in order for the picture to make sense.  I pray that it will all come to light during my lifetime because until it does, I am a captive to it.  If I never utter another word about it, it will always be on my heart. 

It never should have come to this.

Michael Jackson, God Bless you.  God bless you. God bless you.

That's as true a statement as I've ever made because after seeing on the web that Conrad Murray is being an idiot again in stating that he is glad he did the documentary that pissed off the judge and that he is not phased by the 4 year sentence I am fuming 

when I first learned that Katherine Jackson had agreed to the request by the prosecution or grandy jury or whom ever makes those decisions to charge Murray with involuntary manslaughter rather than murder I tried with all in me to dissuade that. However, Mrs. Jackson had been brainwashed to believe that it would be easier for a jury to find Conrad guilty of manslaughter than murder for all the WRONG REASONS.  Now she is dissatisfied with the outcome.  I often said that if Michael was my child, I would rather go for what I knew should be the charge rarher than accept a lower charge with the firm belief that once all the facts were revealed any sane jury would see the truth.  If not, then at least I would be able to live with myself having given it all I had.  But go for it because murder is exactly what it was.  There was the risk of him being sentenced on a lower charge if that was what the judge saw fit, but from what Judge Pastor said on 11/29, I doubt it.  I do believe that had they gone for murder, Murray would be sitting in jail serving much more time and not being as pompus as he is now.  Truth is, he got away with MURDER.

When I get home this evening, I am going to respond to those articles as pompously as he has demonstrated he can write them.  I cannot do it now, but when I get on my own computer, I've got some choice words for Mr. Murray.  I am seething with anger.  I really am.

 As I sit in my home this evening after another trying day, listening to Michael Jackson's music, I lay back and close my eyes and immediately his image appears.  His face is as clear as day. His eyes are kind and he is smiling.  It seems that every time I close my eyes, his face is the first thing that comes to me.  And in this instance I know that Michael will never be lost to me for as long as I live.  

I was very happy for Michael's family that Judge Pastor was able to see through the forest of lies perpetrated by Conrad Murray over those 6 weeks of trial, and that he didn't mince his words when reprimanding him.  He was 100% right.  And he gave Murray the most he could for the charges presented.  I do believe that had Murray been charged with a greater crime, the outcome would have been the same.  But we take what we can get and 4 years was for these charges, the best.  Thank you Judge Pastor.  You did us proud.

I have always said that once the trial was over, so would be my days on the computer forums where I have virtually lived since June 25, 2009.  It has taken its toll and so I must do what is best for me.  Nothing and no one could have held me captive the way this has.  It changed my life.  And for it, I know I have become a better person.  But now it is time for me to move on.

As I close this chapter in my life I just want to say that Michael Jackson will always be with me.  He will always be the catalyst that moves me to change things that I know need changing in my life and around me. He is, as his song implies, another part of me.  And so is every wonderful human being I have come to know over these years.  We are all a piece of the pattern in this quilt of what we call life and will always be.

I have made many friends and acquaintances whose faces I'll never get to see.  Though I have lost many loved ones, I have gained so much compassion for people at a spiritual level which has helped me to understand on a much smaller scale how Michael must have felt  when he tried to impart to the world that he loved us more.  It is possible to love humanity just because we are all intricately spiritually interwoven on this planet.  Even when we do not recognize the faces, we feel the love.  We meet and love as one.  That's what Michael wanted for us and now it makes perfect sense.  Love is universal and it's only face is the heart.

I hope as we go out into the world after this day that we will venture with a stronger, greater purpose, and that the vision is clear.  Michael died for that and he shall not have died in vain.  When duty calls we all must answer and remember Michael's legacy, to make this a better world for you and for me.

Dear Michael Jackson, thank you for the sacrifices.  Thank you for the tools with which to start. Thank you for the vision on which to embark.  And thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for always, always, always making me believe it when ever you said I love you more.  God Bless and keep your dream alive.  Keep dancing Michael.  Keep smiling.  And I promise to keep believing that I too can dance the dream.

To Paris, Prince, and Blanket.  Your father is a hero, a legend, an angel, and he is always with you. Touch your hearts and feel his beating there.

To Katherine and Joseph - God Bless you and thank you for sharing your gift with the world. May you always know that you were loved.

To Jackie, Jermaine, Tito, Randy, LaToya, Janet, Marlon, Rebbie - You are thy brother's keeper. Cherish the memories & be the keepers of the dream.

To Omar Bhatti - You had the best of him.  Share your gifts and cherish the love that only you knew. You wear it wll.

Michael Joe Jackson is love, love lives forever.  The last tear I will ever shed will be for the loss of his genuine loving presence on this earth. God has him now. And he is not alone.   May he forever rest in peace. Sleep Angel.  It's finally over and you are free to fly at last.

When I look to the heavens your face I'll see

gently smiling down at me

And when at last I take my rest

I'll know I'll be going to join the best

Save a place for me, Michael; right between you and my beloved Raphael.  There's no other place I'd rather be.  So angels, save a place for me.

Good nite.

Cassaundra Mathis

Atlanta, Georgia

On this 25th day of November, the lines of this song keeps coming to mind.  It is 29 months since Michael left us and on the 29th day we will learn at last the fate of the man indicted for taking him.  

I was reborn when I was broken

I wouldn't believe... I wouldn't believe

Been through a storm no use in hoping

that you would come rescue me

somehow your love set me free, and now...

I can let my life pass me by

Or I can get down and try

To work it all out this lifetime

I can let my life pass me by

or I can get down and try

to work it all out this lifetime.

Lifetime

                    Maxwell

Remembering Michael Jackson with love as my time draws nearer  to closing this chapter but never the book.  Lifetime, what does it mean and what secrets does it hold?  Not until death is that question ever answered, and even still it remains a mystery to us.  Those who remain are left to figure it out and tell the story.

will you be there?

The words that haunt me everday.

Now that the trial is over and there is no more speculation, no more waiting, no more wondering, no more anger, no more of anything, now what?  Michael is gone.  and all that is left is a void that is so huge, a hole that is so deep and so black, and an emptiness that is so total that all other feelings dull in comparison to it.  Michael is gone.  Where he was is now in a state of almost total silence. He is gone and it seems that a whole book in history is finished, like a door that was once always wide open, started slowly closing on June 25,. 2009,  so slow that unless you had walked away for a month or two and then returned to it, you would not have noticed.  But now, when I look at that door that stood agape over 2 years ago, there is only a slight crack left.  Just enough to barely see inside.  And what I see is nothing.  My worse fear has been realized.  Michael is disappearing.  He is being erased.  And it breaks my heart.

I hope someday soon that the Estate will reralize the importance, the absolute necessity in preserving some deserving place for Michael to be remembered for all the magic and all the glory; where his essence will shine and everything about him, captured and displayed for the world to see and touch.   There must be a place for us to go, it's imperative.  It does not seem "humane"  to have not a special somewhere designated for his fans to come together and remember and honor him, a place where we can gather together and hold onto that which remains.   How can the most beloved and most magnanimous entertainer of all time, who loved his fans more than life itself, not have a place of tribute to him in his country?  It doesnt make sense. 

Please bring forth a place for people like me to go to when we miss Michael and want to be near to and touch something that was the essence and beauty of him.  The world feels so different now since everything, the trial, the verdict is in and over.  It feels like everything has stopped.  There is silence which he never was.  He was energy and beating heart and love.  It feels like the world has started to close the book and see Michael Jackson as just another era whose time has come and gone.  I cannot put him away into a back corner or my mind.    I will not let go of his hand.  He is more than that.  There is a poem that says "do not  stand at my grave and weep, because I am not there."  That's how I feel about Michael.  I don't want to begin and end my journey to finding all tha represents him at Forest Lawn.  Because to me he is in the wind and the moon and the rain, and the air; in the stars, in fact to me he is everywhere.  Give us  place dedicated to all that is was and will forever be Michael Jackson.  No one deserves it more. No one. 

Michael, I will always love you more.  Always in my heart!  Never forgotten.

Cassaundra

 of the final hours of wait and wait.  But I will be here waiting and praying for the final verdict in this life and death saga of the people's angel, Michael Jackson.  I do not know what the final verdict will be, but not for the prosecution not having given it their all.  

Dear David Walgren, I gained the greatest respect and love and admiration for you watching as you stood firm against a defense who tried willfully to paint Michael as any and everything other than the victim.  You gave back the dignity to Michael's name that so many years of unrelenting tabloid abuse had all but taken away, and that makes my heart sing your praises.  No one could have done a grander job of honoring his life and demanding repreive for his untimely, unnecessry death than you did.  I stood up and shouted God is good as yours , the final words of truth, rang through that courtroom, demanding justice and outlining the reality of what took place on the morning of June 25, 2009 behind the guilded gates at 100 N Carolwood Drive at the hands and under the care of Conrad Murray.  If the jury does not see fit to find Conrad guity, then they will have to live with that and justice in America is only a pipe dream.  

I just want to say "thank you" for the honorable work done by the prosecution team with you at its helm, throughout every single day of this trial.  It brought me to tears to see the dedicated determination and will to do the right thing by and for Michael Jackson, his children, his family, his fans.  God Bless you.

Your name will be forever placed in my heart right next to Tom Messereau.  You two are Michael's angels.  If ever there is occsion for my support for anything that you are apart, please, count me in.  Thank you Tom, thank you David, for being honest, upstanding men.  And thank you for caring enough to do your very best.  You are heroes.

http://www.tmz.com/2011/11/03/conrad-murray-manslaughter-trial-defense-rests-closing-arguments-beach-santa-monica/

Michael is laying cold in a crypt killed by his careless antics and he is out strolling on the beach with his baby mama and their child.  God Bless the child.  He is innocent.  But wow, wouldn't Michael have loved to have the opportunity to walk on the beach or anywhere else with his THREE children!  This burns me up and the hate I feel seethuing though my body when I see these kinds of pictures will probably be the ticket that gets me an inviation for an eternity in hell.

And now I hear he's a prospect for making millions off of books and interviews.  Forgive me for saying this, but I hope he realizes that he is a dead man walking.  Somebody won't be as level headed as we are in loathing him but not carrying out what's truly in our hearts.

God please be with us in these trying days and hours ahead.  I know I need all the strength and prayers I can muster because this is tearing me up inside, out.

He says it all. Nothing left to add except, I miss and love you more

 ...but the more  see of this charade they are callng a trial, the more enraged and discouraged I become.  At church yesterday, I asked my pastor to help me with this.  I also asked him if my heart was not ready would I be going against what is right if I simply could not forgive him.  He asked me why wouldn't I be ready to forgive, and I went into detail.  I told him that first and foremost I do not feel that Conrad Murray has any remorse for having killed Michael. I do not believe he felt any compassion for Michael and that the only reason he was willing to use the dangerous plan of care that he did was because he had none and was only interested in the notoriety of being with someone of Michael's stature and the money.  Guys, I had spoken before with my pastor about this case and he had advised  me that I must forgive. I have tried but I am having a very hard time with it.  At present I honestly cannot.  

Upon expressing these feelings it became apparent that he was of the assumption that Murray was Michael's long standing doctor because he said the following of which I was quick to correct.  He said that doctors are human beings and therefore not perfect and expected to make mistakes.  He continued saying that doctors are bound by their oaths yet sometimes during their course of care wrong decisions are made.   He added that I should not base my hatred on what happened at the end, though it took Michael away from us; but that I should remember that he chose him for some reason and that over the years he had built a trust in his care.   That is when I stopped him and made some corrections.  Firt, I explained that Murray had only been hired to be Michael's doctor at the rate of $150,000 per month a mere six weeks before Michael's death, and that is even suspect.  Secondly I espoke to him about the way Murray had gone against his oath knowing the dangers posed and tried to hide the evidence once things went south.  Thirdly, I explained to him that Murray lied to the detectives to make himself look good in the eyes of the general public and that backfired when the death by natural causes changed to a possible murder investigation. If you could have seen the look on his face, though he still tried to convince me to be forgiving.  He is now quite interested in the case  and said that he would have to be more cognizant of what is happening before making any judgement.  But that he is asking questions lets me know that he was not fully aware of the circumstances of Murray becoming Michael's  doctor only recently.  He told me that though he was not following the case he had always admired Michael for his God given talents and his humility and compassion.  When our conversation ended, I knew that he was enlightened and even a bit surprised and would be paying a bit more attention.  Actions or rather reactions many times speak louder than words.  He did say that he understood upon hearing what I spoken to him how it would be very hard to forgive but that in time, I still should try to.

Long story short, in time I pray that I will but not now.  If I keep trying to convince myself that I have, then I wll be living a lie.

The testimony today has derailed me.  It is obviously a sham.  It appers once again, Michael's character is being asassinated because of money.  Dr. White didn't even do the resarch nor did he compile the data used to chart the graphs he displayed and could not even explain how the conclusions were derived.  Why?  Because he didn't compile it.  He even mentoned he needed the money.  I was floored.  I was furious that the defense is paying someone to come in with second hand information and ony be able to make asumptions about how it was gathered and/or why and their testimony is allowed to stand.  This propofol expert as he deems himself sat in court last week and gave himself pats on the back and accepted the accolades admonished on him for all the good and proper research he had done to come to his conclusions.  If I tell it like it is, I believe he paid someone to do that report and doesn't have a clue.  His testimony should be thrown out and stricken from the record.  It seems even in death, the powers that be are still willing and still trying to gain access to higher acclaim through kicking dirt in Michal Jackson's face and stabbing him through his heart.  People are will to do anything, go to any lengths for their own selfish whims, for notoriety and fame or just their minute of glory.  Not this time and not on our watch!  

Just had to share that because my heart continues to tell me that Conrad Murray never really cared anything for Michael or his children. In fact he was so careless and egregious in his care because Michael and his family meant nothing to him.  If he had he would have taken more care to do right by and for him for them.  He's an evil, cold man and should be punished ON EARTH as he will also be in heaven.

Dear Conrad Murray,

First and above anything else, I am a Michael Jackson supporter and I love him from the deepest recesses of my heart.  His death felt so personal that it almost felt as it was the death of me.  My breath stopped, my heart raced and my equilibrium became totally compromised upon hearing the news that Michael Jackson was gone.  Not Michael.  Dear God please, not Michael.   I loved Michael Jackson as if he was my own flesh and blood, and the thought of any truth being that he was gone immobilized me.  Please God, not Michael Jackson.

Over the last two plus years, I have been so angry with you, Dr. Murray, for having been so carless to allow Michael to slip through your fingers.  How could you take this man from our world?  He had too much living and loving still to do.  He had children and family and people like me whose souls and hearts are connected to him for a lifetime.  He had children across the planet sill in need of his compassion, his refuge, his strength. He had a world ever still requiring his patient, guiding hand to heal.  I convinced myself that it had to be a rumor or a nightmare.  It was too emotionally debilitating to be a dream.  But it was neither.  It was true. As dreadful and impossible as still feels to me, Michael is gone and we are left with the pain and the scars of losing him.  

My emotions have gone from manic to depressive many times over at the thought of it.  His death at the hands of the one charged to give him the best of care ignited a putrid fury in me that grew and grew and grew until only a few days ago I felt it was going to overtake my senses and render me forever in a state of bitterness and hate.  And then I had this dream. As I always say of Michael Jackson, blessed be the peacemakers.

I was in a field of beautiful yellow flowers. The air was filled with the smell of honeysuckle.  I was alone with the universe it felt, and the universe it seemed was welcoming me.  The sky was clear and blue, and the singing of birds and the whispering wind were the only sounds around and about me.  It was total peacefulness, so peaceful that I was lulled into a deep, deep sleep taking me to a dream within a dream.

In this dream I was walking side by side, hand in hand with Michael quietly leading me.  He had an unspoken destination for me and without hesitation or question, as if a child, I followed. It seemed we were floating or walking on air, not quite above the ground by not quite with our feet touching its surface.  I felt protected and I had no fear.  It seemed I had an appointment with fate, as if my life depended on it.  When Michael appeared, it was destiny.  It seemed I was waiting for him.  Only he knew my heart and only he could heal it.  As I was forever stuck at June 25, 2009, only Michael’s unspoken truth would ever be able to move me beyond it.

He led me to stand at a window, and through that window I saw him, Conrad Murray.  You, Dr. Murray, were sitting beside the bed where Michael lay motionless, and you were praying.  I could feel my anger and rage mounting at the very sight of you there.  You were there praying silently, but I could hear into your heart. Tears spilled and rolled down your face. How dare you, I thought.  And as I started to speak scornfully, Michael touched his finger to his own heart, then to mine and almost immediately my anger began to quiet.   Michael did not utter a word to me.  I said nothing.  But I knew by instinct, understood why I was there. I cannot remember the entire prayer, except that it felt real.  It felt sincere.  The one portion of that prayer that stuck with me when I woke up was these words, so plain and so clear: “I have by my own failures taken from this world a kind, trusting and decent man; a father of children, a son, a brother, an angel.  He trusted the likes of me with his life and I failed him.  I am sorry, Lord.  Please forgive me.” 

I listened as you asked God not to take Michael.  I listened as you asked God to please turn this around and bring him back.  I listened and watched as you fell to your knees grief stricken and I saw Michael’s face, as he lay there.  It was beautiful.  It was peaceful and it seemed to illuminate light.  I now knew why I was here as I turned now to this man standing beside me.  His eyes were full of understanding and compassion.  Not a trace of anger did I see.  He did not make a sound, not a single word did he utter.  There was no need.  I understood.   Michael let go of my hand, clasped them in front of him and bowed his head.  As he did, that same light I had seen in the room, through the window was all around him and I felt humbled by his presence.  A great warmness, a grace, came over me that was comforting.  I could feel the weight, the heaviness of my burdens being lifted away, removed from me and I could feel and audibly hear his heartbeat which seemed to be in synchronicity with my own.  I felt all of this love transferring from his heart to mine.  When he looked up again, his eyes were filled with tears, but they were not sad tears.  His face was so beholding that I felt almost hypnotized, overpowered by the magnitude of his love.  He stood there warmly holding my hand.  The tear filled eyes that stared back at me seemed to speak only 2 words “forgive him”. 

I remember closing my eyes and crying so hard that my body was trembling.  When I opened them again, Michael was gone, I was back in the field of flowers, and my hate was no more. 

I know it was only a dream, or was it?  But it changed my heart.  Though I will always be hurt and forever longing for and missing the beauty that was and is Michael Jackson,  I know that I cannot continue to harbor the hate towards Conrad Murray or anyone else and live in the way God and Michael would want me to.  I cannot move forward to do the things necessary to change the world, until I stop looking backwards and harboring hate for those things I cannot change.

I heard your prayers, Conrad Murray.  Thank Michael Jackson for that.  I only pray that God will come into your heart, or perhaps Michael will come to YOU in a dream and show you the right way; allowing you to do that which is right and just by him.

God is my refuge and my strength.  Through Him (and sometimes with a little guidance of our angels) all things are possible. 

Michael, I will always, always, ALWAYS love you more.

 If you ever happen by my page, I don't want to pass up the opportunity to say to you, thank you Tom Messereau for being the voice of reason and the soft shoulder for Michael Jackson to lean on during a time in his life when it seemed there was no one.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I have oftentimes been discouraged when hearing people proclaim that Michael fell out of love with Neverland and that he left her after the trials, defeated.  Defeated in that the Santa Monica Police had ravaged and tainted Neverland to the point where Michael no longer DESIRED to be there anymore.   I never believed that because I know what Neverland meant to him.  Neverland was his childhod lost, found, and brought to life again.  Neverland was his refuge from the realities of the cruel world out side of her gates.  Neverland was his paradise full of wonderment and a santuary for the emotionally scarred, physically wounded, and terminally ill children the world over, a paradise where they could feel whole again.  Michael envisioned her in his mind, created her in his heart, and brought her into being through his love and laborous work.  Never, never would he give in to the whims of society's rule and abandon her without purpose. Listening to your podcast on 10/15/2011 finally has allowed me to put my beliefs to rest because I now know that I was right.  Michael left not because he wanted to but because had to, with your insistance, to save himself.  Now the picture is complete.  I always knew that Michael would never abandom something he loved so much and worked so faithfully to create simply because uncivilized, uncaring people had ravished it and forced him away from it.  He was not a quitter.  It makes so much more sense to me now why he would insist on keeping her though he could never again live peacefully within her boundaries.  God bless Michael and God bless you, Mr. Messereau.

You were a blessing sent to Michael Jackson.  You saved him from the cruelest punishment that could have been the end result of that trial in 2005.  You were the angel on his shoulder.  Not by chance I say, but by divine intervention.  When you said that Michael's acquital was  matter of life and death for him, my heart stopped.  You said what I could never quite find the right words to express.  It has been my opinion that had Michael been found gulty and sent to prison that he would have perished.  But you brought it all into a different realm of truth when you called it a death penalty case, even though death would not have been the sentence imposed.  And you are so right.  I never thought of the true magnitutude of Michael being sent to prison.  I know that he was not of the fabric to survive it, but I never thought of the vasrness, the extent of that which would have been imposed on him.  When I visualized your words, that Michael would have been kept in isolation and mistreated by the guards with no eyes to see it,  it made me cry.  I never thought of that.  But now that you have voiced it, it rings 100% truth. The prison population would not have killed Michael, the solitutude alone would not have killed him, though surely it would have broken his spiit.  The bigger threat was from the inhumane, physical and mental abuse he would have most certainly experienced had he been sent to that living hell on earth.  And the world would never have known the extent of it.  Now it is clearer why Michael cried and was so visibly shaken when the verdicts all came in as "NOT GUILTY".   The bigger picture becomes quite clear.  This was not a case of guilt or innocence.  It was a case of the life and death.  Blessed are the peacemakers for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Thank you, Mr. Messereau for continuing to trumpet the goodness of this humble man.  Thank you for being fair and decent.  Thank you for giving us a voice, a platform, and an inside view.  Thank you for knowing that though we are only to the world "fans", that our love for Michael Jackson is and was and always will be real and personal.  We so care about him and want to see things made right for his legacy even if we could not change the course of history.   Just thank you.  I feel like Michael Jackson was and is a part of me as I know all who loved him and lost him do.   We miss him and we still mourn his loss.  It's tangible and real. It's pain and love all rolled up into one and we know without question that Michael loved us more.  He was our greatest hope for the planet and he was snatched away, stolen, many years before his time.

Many people on this forum and any I frequent who are familiar with me know that I always parallel Michael's life with the life of Jesus, Christ and I feel that you are of the same fabric, even if you never vocalize it.  I believe with every inch of my being that he was the angel that God promised he would send to save the earth. There are too many similarities to be ignored. So I don't.  Coincidence, in my life, is a non-existent state of being, just a useless word in the English Language because I  believe that all things happen the way they happen for a reason.  There is ALWAYS an end to the means.  Be it good or bad, there is a lesson to be learned.  In this lesson we learn that love is greater than all the wrong that can ever be done.  The love will live on.  It never dies. LOVE LIVES FOREVER! Michael is love.  If it never dies, then for all reasons and purposes, Michael lives on in every heart that holds onto his memory and He too will never, ever die.  

The Biblical account of Jesus Christ's  life on this earth and the consequences of his death are all too familiar.  Now comes Michael Jackson's that I believe too will one day be forged onto the pages of the greatest history and religious works.  This little boy with sparkling eyes, and the voice of an angel was born into a family of meager means; he was given a loving mother, father and many siblings to share his life with; he did God's work aided by the creative genuis that he was born with;  he lived by God's word and never took credit without acknowledging from whence it came;  he gave eagerly and consistently of that which had been given him with a willing heart; he loved openly and unconditonally; he didn't begrude those who forsake him; and he became villified by those who chose not to know him.  He was rediculed and lied on, he was persecuted unfairly and unrelentlessly; he was tried by a jury of his peers and though he was acquitted of all charges ever admonished against him, he was still prosecuted in the court of public opinion.  Michael Jackson was betrayed by a kiss, or in this case, by holding a child's hand and confessing that it's the loving thing to do to share your bed.  His Judas lived alongiside him in his abode as did Jesus'.  And he betrayed him with a loving gesture, and officially collected his own 30 pieces of silver.  It's just all too emcompassing not to be in many ways the same.  A different period in history. The same story re-told.  A child will lead them... Michael Jackson though the greatest, human being alive, was also the most compassionate, loving, God fearing human being on the planet.  He pulled you into his world with the pleading eyes and heart warming smile and held you captive with a child's loving heart.  He was the angel of this generation sent to us for salvation.  And had he been given the chance I know he would have saved the world.  Nothing can stray me from those beliefs and I will die forever believing them.  

How many times can I thank you Mr. Mesereau for being a true friend, a human being who provided the greatest comfort to Michael when he was afraid and alone.  Never too much.  There's a place for you in heaven.  God bless you.

I know that Michael never fully recovered from his persecution on this planet, the worse being the 2005 trials and the loss of his precious Neverland and his fear that he would never be able to trumpet the cause that was the closet to his heart, his reason to breathe, which was giving love and a sense of hope to the earth's children.  How could he?  It was his purpose for living.  He said it himself.  Neverland and children were his first true loves. Loving and giving were his passions.  The world somehow mangaed in all its evil to strip both of them away and with it Michael's reason to do that which was his destiny.  Once the light in his eyes dimmed, they never became as bright again.

I hope someday life and Michael's Neverland will come full circle and become a place where Michael's real story can be told and re-told 24 hours a day to a people, a new generation of children, who will relish it in all its goodness and know that once upon a time, a king was born who walked amongst us on the earth... a king who was an angel and whose name was Michael Joe Jackson; born to Kathryn and Joseph Jackson on August 29, 1958 in Gary, Indiana.  And God looked down at this beautiful, wonderful, miracle he had made, raised his hands high and proclaimed, it is good...

 Father forgive them

For they know not what they do…

The life and death of Michael Jackson paints a sad commentary on the state of humanity in this country, throughout the world.  To take a man who was by nature so gentle and kind and full of hope of saving the planet through love and nurturing our children, and turn him into something to be ridiculed, targeted and ostracized is shameful if not outright criminal.  Michael Jackson was an innovator and a dreamer.  He was a creative genius and a gifted entertainer.  He was beauty inside, outside that had nothing to do with his physical attributes.  Yet even those, no matter in what stage of metamorphosis you found him, were ever still appealing to the senses.   He loved unconditionally, giving what he rarely received with an open hand and an open heart.  He never stopped believing in the human spirit and its ability to change the world.  To his death, he never stopped hoping, loving, and believing in us.  When Michael cried the world cried with him.  His only requests of us were to love the planet and love each other.  If he were able, even now, I believe that Michael would only ask of those who persecuted him that God forgive them, with no desires for retribution. His heart was made that way not by choice but by design.  To me, he was and will always be the face I see in my mind when ever I hear the word “Angel”.

How does this affect me?  Words cannot begin to describe the emptiness, the aloneness, the grief, nor the pain.  I feel depleted of the air I breathe when ever I think of the magnitude, the lengths that people took to insure that this gentle man would no longer be able to spin his magical web.  I feel depressed in knowing with no doubt in my mind, that Michael Jackson was targeted one last time and this time they hit their mark and took him away from us forever.  I am forever humbled by his grace and his courage to stand for what he believed in at any cost. 

What ever the reason so much has been lost to us, especially the joy and wonderment of so many sick and dying children.  Who will now speak up for them?  Who will embrace them and make them feel safe and loved?  Who will go to the hospitals and homes and low lying places and hold them, bring them gifts, smile with them and cry for them?  Who?  Who will delight an audience rendering the greatest show of their lives and then take every penny of its proceeds and donate it to them for what ever they need? Who will stand up under every pressure and continue to work and drum major their cause simply because it is the right thing to do? Who will do ALL those things and do it ONLY for love?  No one!  There was ONLY one and now, because of man and his greed and his envy paired with his desire to rid the world and all its goodness, he is no more…he is gone forever.  And I miss the very essence of him.  Knowing he no longer exists in this realm of time and space immobilizes me and dulls my senses. Knowing that he would still be here were it not for the careless antics of one who is sworn to an oath of service and care.  The pain consumes me.

Now, they have sank to an all time low during this trial of Conrad Murray, parading initially a deathbed picture of Michael Jackson at the UCLA Medical Center; and now an autopsy picture of him.  How long and how far is humanity willing to go to continue to depredate this man?  How far?  How long? Or is there ever going to be an end?  Michael Jackson was a very proud man and he was very private.  This is the final blow for me.  There was no reason to parade his picture in front of the world like that.  What was the point, and is any really good enough?  The only sure end result of having it cast out into cyberspace is that it is destined to become one of the thousands of cruel jokes played at the expense of Michael Jackson.  Has the world no shame as people, fellow human beings?  This man has children, a mother, and siblings; people who love him globally and would give anything to see him treated with respect, treated like you and me.  He is not a curiosity for show and tell.  He is not a 3-eyed monster.  But he has been made the poster child for all that is wrong with society; the shallowness, the envy, the lack of compassion; the bully mentality.  This is what we have come to.  Michael, were he here to speak, would likely only humbly ask that we forgive them, all for love, l.o.v.e. That’s the kind of human being that he was.  The world was not ready for him and as has been proven time and time again. We never deserved him though he proved by example all the days of his life that he loved us more.

Sleep peacefully, sweet angel.  God ordered your steps and you walked them well in your lifetime.  Now you no longer have to walk amongst man.  You are free at last to fly.

In eternal awe; you rocked my world and left me speechless.

CassieforMaxwell

10-12-2011

 I'm waking up this morning so full of pain that I dont know if I will be able to function.  Yesterday depleted all of my poise and my energy to smile.  The night was restless and the tears just would not stop falling.  Why must we persecute the ones who love us?  Why in this world of opportunity and excesses do we find it sporting to debase those miniscle few who put it all on the line, bare their souls, and bleed for us?  Why?  Seeing Michael Jackson laying lifeless on a hospital gurney and watching his last performance less than 24 hours prior, was like a slap of reality to my heart.  Hearing that haunting voice on a phone recording simply paralyzed me.  I was not ready for that.  But are we ever ready to hear that which we think unimaginable when it involves someone we love?  Never.

I don't know if I will be able to watch much more of the trial.  It's too hard.  What I heard yesterday is not what I wanted to play in my mind as I think of Michael Jackson.  He was the music of my life.  But this recording has changed the sounds I hear when ever I hear his name.  This voice that tells me, Michael is in need of care and no one us there to help him.  His life should not have had to end before his voice was heard.

Why is he gone?  Was he in any agony, any pain? 

I have a book that I keep near to me, When God Sheds Tears.  It is where I turn when I have those questions.  I know that God has shed many, many tears for what was allowed to be the existence of Michael Jackson in his lifetime.  And I know that Michael shed many tears for not having the ability to change it.  Now it's our time.  

God have mercy on Michael's children, his mother, his family, his friends and for us his fans who in our own way were all of those things to Michael Jackson.  We loved him even when we could not find the way to tell him except by example.  He knew we were there even when he could not reach out to us or even know our names.  It was the love affair of all times.  And though he is gone from us physically, we still can feel his love carressing us at the level of our hearts and I know he can feel ours being returned to him.  

I have heard it said over the last 24 hours that this is the next trial of the century.  But for me, this is the only trial of monumental proportions because it is the trial of the quiet, compassionate man who came to us, the people, gave us every part of him, taught us that love is the only thing that matters, was persecuted enmasse by many, and then crucified like a criminal.  Reminds me of someone else.  And God shed tears for him.  

This morning I'm alive.  This morning I can sit at my computer and put my thoughts down.  This morning as every morning I wake, I ask myself did it take for Michael Jackson to die to receive back the love he gave so freely and abundantly to us all?  When will we ever learn, when we ever learn?

 15 Years…

Septembers when leaves are turning brown
And autumn cools the air
Was once my very favorite time of year
Until entered in, despair

I remember how I loved those days
How they always made me smile
How I’d sit and watch the falling leaves
For just a little while

They were special days, they soothed my soul
I remember them oh so well
But that was then, and this now
And I’ve a different truth to tell

Came September 27th 
In nineteen ninety-six
A storm blew in that broke my life
For which there is no fix

So quickly it came
Like a thief in the night
And the walls came down in a tumble
A deafening roar
cutting straight to the core
And my heart could do nothing but crumble 

Thy will be done…

15 years have passed since that stormy day
When the rain slicked roads held sorrow
The day I wish I could erase from time
That forever changed my every tomorrow

That season that once gave such joy to me
Now holds nothing but pain to remember
It’s hard now to even fathom that I 
Ever loved this month called September

Does a mother ever really know?
Or even think by chance
That children God put into her life
Can be as fleeting as a blink, a glance

Here to stay or at best you think
They’ll be in our lives forever
As we grow old, they might grow away
But never gone, forever

In September 15 years ago
My life took a different turn
It’s said for each heartache we’re dealt in life
There’s a lesson from it to learn

This life can change…I know that now
In the twinkling of an eye
So kiss your children each time they leave
Say I love you before every goodbye

I‘ve lived 15 years, with just half a heart
Knowing he’ll never come home again
But he will always be, the best part of me
In my heart… where he’ll forever remain.

My Angel
My Heart
Raphael Theron Mathis
12/14/1971 – 09/27/1996

 Tomorrow commemorates the 2nd anniversary of the day our beloved was laid to his final rest.  It is a sad day in history.  It is the day that Michael stopped spinning the web of fantastic.  It was the day that those dancing feet were neatly, carefully tucked away for all times.  It was the day those beautiful, caring eyes, already closed, would unequivocally never see the light of another day.  It was the day that this old heart almost stopped beating.  It was the saddest final of my life.  I miss Michael Jackson more on every day that I wake.  Why do i love him so much?  I can't give you all the reasons.  It would take the rest of my life.  But I will say that I love him because he came; he gave and gave and gave, and he never took from anyone.  He did all that he did, not for accolades or notoriety or fame; but for love.  His love is everlasting.  I love and miss Michael and I cannot let go becase even with all that he gave to the world, what he received back from it was pain and anguish and hurt and humiliation.  And because of that, his death by another's hands, was in my mind like putting the final nail in the coffin.  It hurts so much that he was taken before the world was able to show him by example and by deed that he was the MOST worthy.  Worthy of living a peaceful existence with other human beings.  Worthy of being treated with respect and dignity.  Worthy of being uplifed and exemplified and honored by us whom he had given all of his life to in an attempt to rid us of the ugliness of existung n a sadistic society.   Healing what ever it was positioned hurt us.  He gave us magic, and hope, and promise.  He gave us all of him and more, more, more.  Then they just took him away.

When they could find no dishonesty, no dirty gossip, nothing to tarnish his name, they created something.  And what they created was more hurtful to him than anything he could have ever imagined.  They stripped his dignity and shamed his heart.  And then they robbed his spirit and stole his soul.  All because they found it entertaining and profitable.  Now we are here, all of us, still hurting and crying and lost without him;  all because Michael refused to use their tactics and remained ever humble.  He never furrowed his brow or spat profanities or threw punches.  He simply held fast to God's unchanging hand and forgave and asked that people not misjudge him or believe lies about him.  That was his way.  Michael is gone.  Michael is no long among the living.  He is gone.  

I love you Michael Jackson.  I miss your earthy presence.  It should never have come to this.  You should still be dancing.  Every night before I close my eyes, I thank God for you.  You showed me and the world that no matter how much love you give, hate in the retrospect, is capable of and if given the chance, will destroy it.  I've always been taught that love is enough.  In this world, I doubt that will ever truly be.  If you could not survive it when you were love, it almost feels hopeless.  

Why do I love you so?  Love is.  That's all that I know and that's all I ned to know.

 Another day has gone, and I'm so all alone.

Today is Michael's birthday.  He would have been 53 years old.  So young, even still.

53 years ago today, God bundled up his most precious angel and placed him into the arms of the world to nurture and love him.  He allowed us to take care of him for 50 years.  And we still care.  His love is everlasting.  

Even though God has taken him back into the shelter of His arms, He knew we could not bear to be without him.  So He was kind to us and did the next best thing. He vowed to leave a part of Michael in each of our hearts.  I have a part, you have a part.  His heart  goes on and on.  For where we are, he will be also.  

As we pause to celebrate Michael, I am honored to have had him in physical form in my world during my lifetime.  His love is magical.  He will never grow old and he will never fade away as long as there is heaven and earth.  Love lives forever.  Michael is love.   He resides In the hearts of all who loved him  and his legacy will be carried forward for all times.  

Happy Birthday Michael Jackson 

Always an Angel to me

What is happening?  It seems that all of Michael's friends and associates are leaving this world.  It's as if Michael is drawing all his angels nearer to him.  Calling them one by one.  What does it mean?  What is the message, the lesson to be learned?  In time, perhaps he will show me.  As for now, I am in tears.  It feels so sad as if with every call, another star loses its light and the world around me gets a little more gloomy a little more dim.  There is always a reason.  There is always a plan.  Not ours, but His.  

Calling all Angels.  One by one by one.

Rest in Peace, dear Mr. Dileo.

Rest in peace.

Today,  for we who still remain in the realms of this earthly strathosphere, it is a sad day.  Another angel has gone home.  We are void another light, void another presence.  We feel an emptiness and a sadness.  Ms. Elizabeth Taylor just got her brand new golden wings.  She is free to fly. 

There are so many precious people leaving this world.  So many.  Sometimes it feels as if God is calling them all together for a reason.  We say gone too soon.  But for the angels who wait to greet them at the gates of heaven, it is a blessed, welcome, joyous occasion.  Blessed are the peacemakers for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Elizabeth was a peacemaker.

To Elizabeth Taylor's family, her friends, her admirers, her supporters and all who loved her, let not your hearts be troubled.  We know that Elizabeth had a heart of gold.  We know that she possessed great compassion.  And we know that she was the greatest gift , after his children & his mother, Michael Jackson ever received.  She was his friend.  Not just a "friend" but "FRIEND".    She was trustworthy, steadfast and never, ever uncommitted.  She kept his secrets and protected his heart.  That's what real friendship is all about.  I will always love her for that.

I know that Michael has prepared a place especially for Liz and is rejoicing in heaven.  Can't you simply imagine the beautiful playground surrounded by a most beautiful garden that Michael has found for them?  Now they can both embrace what was lost to them in this life.  Their lost childhoods are finally found.

May they be eternally happy.  They no longer have to suffer.  They no longer have to explain.  They have been caught up in the rapture of eternal love and I know that they are smiling and frollicking and content to be. 

God bless them.  Together again, at last and for ever more.

Angels amongst us

God bless you Elizabeth for having been the one sure thing that michael could always count on.  You never strayed and you never betrayed his trust in you.  You were his faithful companion.

I know that you will see Michael in heaven and that the two of you will rejoice in the comfort of each other's love.  Be forever young together in the arms of the angels.  I miss you both.

For all the children with childhoods lost, no one says it better than the Maestro, himself.

Rest In Peacewww.youtube.com/watch

 HOW DID THE SURVEILLANCE TAPES GET ERASED AT JUST THE PRECISE PORTION THAT WOULD TELL THE STORY OF THE WHOS, WHATS, WHENS, WHYS AND HOWS IN THE HOURS LEADING UP TO, DURING, AND JUST AFTER MICHAEL’S DEATH?  I JUST DON’T GET IT.  YOU KNOW ME, I ‘VE NEVER BELIEVED IN COINCIDENCES!!!  IT IS WHAT IT IS.  AND THIS IS A JOKE. NOT A FUNNY ONE BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION.  BUT  JOKE NONETHELESS.  HOWEVER, NO ONE IS LAUGHING.   IT BREAKS MY HEART.  

 I am hard at work this morning, but my heart will not allow me to continue this day without coming here and sending prayers out to our Japanese family who are being affected by the earthquake and the resulting weather anomalies that followed. I also am praying that the families in Hawaii, California and anyother states, continents that are in the path of this destruction will be safe and shielded. It seems that life is so fleeting during these times, even more so than ever before. Disasters are occurring everywhere and lives, vibrant, promising lives are being lost to them. In the twinkling of an eye, it can be over. Live life well. Love everybody. Give to those in need. Money is nothing if not being used for the good of man. I am still here today only by the grace of God. I will keep the families who have lost loved ones in my prayers, and pray even more for those of us who are left behind. Our time and hour is yet to come.
God be merciful.

A while back I entered a contest on the Portrait Site entitled "If I had been granted One Day With Michael".  Since the winner has already been announced, I will publish my entry here, because, really this is what I would do.

IF I had been granted one day to spend with Michael Jackson, what would I do?  First I would thank God for blessing me for having been chosen to be in the company of an angel; because first and foremost to me, he is everything that I believe an angel to be.  He is kind. He is gentle. He is caring. He is compassionate about life. And he is love, l.o.v.e.

First things are always first.

The first order of business upon meeting him knowing that this would be my one day to experience heaven on earth; I would extend my arms, opened wide as if welcoming the world, and receive one of those big ole hugs that Michael is known to give.  I would melt in his embrace as tears would roll down my face.  Just being honest; tears would certainly be on the agenda; tears of joy in knowing that I was finally close enough to his heart to feel it beating, and close enough in his arms to feel sheltered away from any outside influences that might have been positioned to hurt me.  I am safe and I am warm. Thank God for small and wonderful miracles. Remember…this is MY day.

The rest of the day would be doing what ever Michael wanted to do.  If he wanted to swing on a star, I’d be right there with him.  If he wanted to shop, see a movie, or simply just talk, nothing would be insignificant.  However, if he left the choices up to me, this is how the remainder of that day would go:  (Remembering that I’m not a fancy girl, I’m just me.) I would take him to my neighborhood, which is not quite hood but not upscale either.  He could feel relaxed and comfortable.  He could go outside, walk down the streets, play basketball with the kids on the block and never feel threatened.  He would be loved but not mobbed.  I would make lunch for him, something simple and delicious so he’d have to compliment the cook, of course.  I would take him by my work place.  Strange, you think? No, because where I work is a place where normal, everyday people strive together in an effort to better the conditions of tomorrow’s children, today.  I think he would approve.  I’m not a selfish girl. I think I could share him for a little while.  Next stop, we’d embark on a carriage ride through the city, allowing him to kick off his dancing shoes, relax and just be Michael for a while.  We could ride and talk, laugh and sing, or simply sip on homemade lemonade or some sizzard and enjoy the sights and sounds.  I think that would be beautiful. I think he would enjoy that.

Finally as the day is winding down, we would take a stroll through the zoo and adjoining park, sit on the banks of the lake and just talk and talk or sit quietly and watch the sun finally slip away. 

What I have always dreamed of doing was just talking to Michael; enjoying his spirit and his sense of the world.  He has a beautiful mind.  It would soothe my soul to know what makes him smile and what darkens the sparkle in his eyes.

Come the night and we could go back to my place, order a movie, eat some popcorn, have a pillow fight, just get crazy comfy and chill. Then, finally, I would hope to get to do what I’ve dreamed of doing for many, many years of my life.  I would remove his shoes, his glittery socks, and give him the best foot massage he’s ever had.  J.  I would wash them, and lotion them, and massage all the stress from his body; let it slip out of him through his feet.  Then I would massage those long, graceful fingers and hands; allowing him to close out all his cares from the world and drift away.  That, for me would be the perfect end, to a perfect day.

He could then go to sleep and I would silently thank God for one day in my life that was indeed absolutely perfect.

I guess you are saying to yourselves that this girl doesn’t think big.  I do.  Nothing tops being with Michael and doing the simple things.  He can jet away anywhere he wants to go anytime of any day.  But to spend an entire day as a normal human being seems to be the one thing that most times escapes him.  I would want to give him that and that is good enough for me.

As Michael always said…it’s all for love.  In my book he is love, so everything I’d do, I’d do for the love of him.

Michael Joseph Jackson

Over my heart you reign supreme

I will continue your endeavors

I will continue to dance your dream

Nothing is impossible, Nothing too extreme

You are forever in my heart

CassieForMaxwell

Atlanta, Georgia

 Michael’s Legacy ...

I have been thinking about the in-fighting that is going on between those fans who are opposing forces where McClain & Branca are concerned in regards to Michael’s estate.  This is is my take on the whole issue at hand.

I am no authority on running an estate.  I would not know with any precision what would be considered “in the best interest” of an estate the magnitude of Michael Jackson’s; nor know beyond a shadow of doubt what is or is not 100% effective in conserving and preserving it.  However, it would seem to me that 2 lone individuals would not be sufficient or proficient enough to make ALL the necessary decisions in regards to it either.  That they are trusted to do that seems a bit unrealistic and risky.  From what I have seen over the nearly two years since Michael’s death,  I feel justified in my thinking.  

I don’t know either of these gentlemen.  I don’t know how they think or on what they base their decisions. I don’t know any better than you do what their relationship with Michael was at the time of or before his untimely passing. So I cannot make any authoritative statements regarding their manners of businesss.  I see some good things and then I see some decisions being carried forward that in my opinion are not so good.

Sure they are marketing new materials and generating a glob of money.  The fans are happy. Branca & McClain are happy…right now.  But is that what running the estate of a global human treasure is about? My concerns lay not in the right now, but rather in the tomorrows and the ever afters.  Money is not everything.  It goes beyond that.  I am more concerned with seeing Michael’s legacy growing, becoming more solidly entrenched.  I refer to the things that are intimately and personally of him, by him, and not merely in conjunction with him.  

If the Estate continues to market these “imitations” which were neither endorsed nor approved by Michael, himself, is it possible that the things that are authentically Michael brand become de-valued? The norm seems to be that where there is too much “stuff” the stuff becomes less appealing.  These things at present are fun, enjoyable and interesting.  We are the Michael generation.  We are his true fans and we love him.  We are still in shock and many are still in pain.  But what happens when we have become so inundated with “stuff” that consumer complacency sets in?  What happens then?  

Michael always said that he never wanted to become a part of the entertainment assembly line. He never wanted to become over exposed, and he valued his privacy.  But that is just what stands to happen if the estate keeps going at it like they are.  The less Michael Jackson memorabilia there is in circulation, the more people long for it.  The more we long for it, the more we value it.  The greater human value attached to it, the harder we strive to protect it... at any cost.  No monetary amount can be attached to it because it is priceless.  To simply behold it becomes the prize.  It becomes monumental and irreplaceable. It becomes legacy.

Money and wealth will come and go.  When you die you can’t take it with you.  It’s no longer yours.  If it is mismanaged, it’s just gone or it’s passed on.  Wht ever happens, it is no longer assigned to you.  But a person’s legacy lives forever.  It never dies and it can NEVER be taken away.  You’ve earned it with blood, sweat, and tears. It is forever yours.

In generations to come, people will forget the compilation cd’s and dvds made in Michael’s likeness. In truth, they don’t hold any real value. They’re just substitutes for the real thing.  But the things that are authentically Michael will be remembered and held in high regard forever IF we preserve and conserve them in the right way.  To me that’s what is important.  We cannot exploit him now and then expect other generations to honor him.

Branca and McClain in representing Michael Jackson’s estate should be expected to honor and uphold Michael Jackson’s legacy by managing it as if Michael was standing right there watching them.  Do what Michael would have done.  Incorporate his values.  Be a force to be reckoned with.  Make him proud. Don’t cheat Michael out of what is rightfully his.  He is legend.  He is iconic. He gave us magic and all of himself.  In return, we must ensure that what he left behind for us, the gifts that he entrusted to our care, will remain that way forever.  Keep the legacy ALIVE.  Keep the Michael Jackson brand sterile and untouched.  Don't let ANYTHING destroy it.

without Michael Jackson?  None can be categorized as such.  Every single day that has passed since June 25, 2009 is symbolic.  There are good days when the news surrounding anything Michael is reported.  And there are bad days when everything else occurs.

No, for me there are no "just another days".   They are days without Michael Jackson which translates into days without an integral part of my heart. 

I love him everyday, more and more.  I miss him every minute of every hour of everyday.  I have thoughts of him constantly. 

The one thing that keeps me sane is in knowing that Michael Jackson is finally at peace.  It gives me great comfort to know that an Angel is back at home where no one, no words, not anything can hurt him anymore.

He is safe.  God bless the child.