I HAVE to tell you something! I am soooo high now now...Well, let me start at the beginning: last night I went out to see this wonderful display of meteors. I was sure that i would be inudated with so many and feel so close to Michael and everything would be perfect...right? Just me, the stars, and my thoughts of Michael. So, waering a t-shirt, barefooted, i went outside wrapped in a light chenille throw. It was about 45 degrees out. My feet were cold but I love cold weather. The wind was 0. The clouds were high and there wetre many stars out.......but about halfway through my standing in the crisp night air on the bricks of my porch, I had seen NO shooting stars. For a second I was sad and disappointed...thinking that this was all about feeling one with Michael and it depended on seeing shooting stars, OK? As soon as I entertained the thought of feeling sad, I felt a *shift* in my perspective. I found myself saying to myself,"No. this is a Perfect night! I am loving the cold, my numbing toes, the stars, and the still night air. I asked myself when was the last time I'd stayed up 'til 1 am to look at the stars??? I decided that it was justb fine if I saw not a single shooting star because I felt happier than I had since, you know when. And I felt closer to God that I'd felt since, you know, Michael. i gave thanks for such a wonderful night. AND then SWOOOOOSH!!!!! right over my head, perfectly centered over me, was the biggest and brightest shooting star I have ever seen! NO JOKE. It made me yelp outloud. It looked sooooo close and it lasted all the way across the sky, over my head and over my house. I freaked! Really. I Knew it was Michael, or maybe even God! .(They are in the same family afterall! :) It definately was a sign to me that I was heading in the right direction. I have slowly been coming around with trying to feel love and make sense of it all. This told me that I was making sense and I was going to be OK...better than OK. I was good. I am not alone. Michael is and always has been with me, and always will beI blew a kiss up to the night and said thank-you. I stayed out another 45 minutes then went in to bed. (I had not slept since 1 the night before, remember?) This gave me chills all over my body with my hair standing up on end. It was quite moving.
But the magic didn't stop there, oh no! :) This morning I was so excited to tell mcKenzie all about it, and she was quite happy for me! We got ready for school and right before we left the house, I FINALLY remembered to bring my "COEXIST" sign for my room to put on my wall next to my paper on love and peace. I have been meaning to do this for about 2 months!!
THEN: when I dropped McKenzie off at school, she was getting out of the car and I always say, "I love you, have a great day!" Today she actually leaned back inside the car and .....KISSED me big on the lips! She had stopped doing this last year because of wanting to look grown-up in front of friends. I couldn't believe it!! I was so happy! More chills on my skin.
I got to school and put up my Coexist paper, then went right next door to tell my teacher friend about my wonderful shooting star and kiss from my 13 year-old. She stopped me and said, "Wait. i have something for you." She said it was something she had but thought I should have it. It was a beautiful windchime with a black and white yin/yang wooden medalion hanging from the bottom! It sounds beautiful!!! I was so surprised and happy. Then she asked all about my other news and seemed genuinly happy for me.
But the magic didn't stop there. Yesterday i had started a new ritual with my kids (my class)...as per your suggestion. Monday I explained that i would be telling them Good Morning Class each morning followed by I Love You. Most said it back to me, but some were embarrassed. But today...they were so excited and expectant...i could tell. they were waiting for the ritual. So I said, "Good morning class." They all were SO quick to answer, "Good morning" to me. then I said "I love you." They were so anxious to say "I love you!" They could hardly wait for me to end my sentence!!! Then I proceded to tell them that I was so happy and told them all about the star, the kiss, the coexist, and the chimes gift, which was hanging in my class already.
But wait: Since last week I had my eyes on some spare desks that another teacher was getting rid of, but were bigger that many of mine. I wanted them, bad! But my custodian, Mr. Allen, said that i would have to wait because he thought someone might have spoken for them already...bummer I had thought last week...but today at 8:20 he poked his head in my classroom and said I could go get as many as I needed!!!! We scooped up 9 of them. I was so excited because I was able to get rid of 9 of my smaller desks.
All of this happened before 8:30 in the morning. My kids were awesome. They kept drawing me pictures of myself wearing t-shirts with a peace sign on it, or Michael Jackson on it, or heaets on it...stuff like that. I got several hugs, and this is from 5th graders. I was told "I love you my a few kids when they left at the end of the day. It was wild.
That voice I heard the other day, Michael, telling me to just try to keep on loving, as I done before. The acceptance I had of just enjoying the moment and living in it and loving it, The one token incredible shooting star.
I really felt Him last night and all day today. I continued to get goose bumps a up and down my arms, legs, back, neck...all day, even driving home. I picked McKenzie up after school and talked about all this with her. She was laughing outloud at how much her kiss meant to me, but I could tell she was so happy to see ME happy. As soon as we got home, she wanted me to tell my mom all about my day! My mom and dad were happy for me too...even if they don't really understand my love for Michael. They want me to be happy.